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The Latest Articles by Tim Ferguson

The Ferguson Report: Vegans just love their BLTs – bland, lousy and tasteless

An inner-city mandala-tattooed left-winged dodo has apologised for his unconscious bias against unconscious bias. The dodo said, "I'm consciously

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Trump threatens to govern from jail between golf rounds

The next President In Absentia of the United States, Donald Trump, has vowed to campaign and rule from jail.

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Harry takes stand and delivers … not much

Prince Harry has given evidence in court against British newspapers who invaded the bits of his privacy not covered in his autobiography.

The New Daily

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The Ferguson Report: China’s crackdown on crack-ups is Sino the times

China's cancellations include foreign speakers, stand-ups and, thankfully, modern jazz.

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: DeSantis Twitter campaign launch smooth as a driverless Tesla

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis launched his presidential campaign on Twitter. To avoid seeming biased, Twitter stopped working.

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Extinction Rebellion verging on extinction

Climate activists Extinction Rebellion have had a meeting. They've accepted throwing paint at great art hasn't stopped carbon polluters

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Peter Dutton goes nuclear and sensitivity readers read the budget

Hyper-sensitivity readers who identify as an 'Unidentifiable' drank hand-sensitiser and read the budget through rose-tinted blindfolds.

The New Daily

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The Ferguson Report: Tinder ghosts Russia without so much as a text

Australians with nothing else to complain about are protesting against drag queens and all the colours of the rainbow.

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Australia re-imagining its military as completely imaginary

Defence Minister Richard Marles & Marles said, 'We are trying to re-imagine an army which is more mobile and can project.'

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Donald Trump is the world’s most innocent criminal

The show-trials of former/future US President Donald Trump are the hottest anti-climax on Broadway, writes maven of mirth Tim Ferguson

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Eliminating the odours of cooked political leaders past

No matter how hard we try to eliminate pungent odours of past political leaders, their legacy lingers on the palate.

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Liberals say ‘no’ to Voice, Australia says ‘gosh, really?’

Supporters of the proposal are hoping for a conscience vote. Others are pushing for a vote of no conscience.

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Greens save $10b on housing so they can spend $10b on housing later

The Greens have shut the front door on Labor's $10 billion public housing fund because it lacks a rooftop veggie patch. "Trust us," said a Green. "Zero

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: UN climate gurus issue their ‘final warning’ before the next one

The Intergovernmental Panic on Climate Change (IPCC) has released yet another disastrous 'final warning' report.

The New Daily

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The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: The Emperor’s new submarines

Albo said the exact cost of the nuclear submarine fleet is "between $268 billion or $368 billion, precisely".

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Personal details leakage stains the fabric of society

To prevent massive data breaches of people’s personal details, the Albanese government will appoint a cyber security co-ordinator, as soon as the wi-fi works.

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Irony declared dead as publisher announces ‘sensitivity rewrite’ of 1984

The classic political novel 1984 will be rewritten by Inclusion And Diversity specialists who think they know better than George Orwell.

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Better the Satanic conspiracy you know

Beelzebub must be taking it easy down there in the Infernal Pit, Tim Ferguson reckons, because only 17% believe in a vast Satanic cabal

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The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Harry and Meghan headlines still making you look?

Maven of mirth Tim Ferguson brings his take on the news, starting with Harry and Meghan and joking all the way to the Voice referendum

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Washington’s ultra-conservative rebels are revolting

A gun club of Ultra-conservative Republicans have rebelled against House majority leader hopeful, Kevin McCarthyism.

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Australia won’t start next cold war until the subs arrive

The final Ferguson Report of 2022 predicts the fake news headlines of 2023 ... GOVERNMENT FINALLY ADMITS RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE GOVERNMENT The Albanese

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Liberals’ election review finds some equalities more equal than others

A gender target is like a mandate or a quota without the weight, meaning or likelihood of happening in our wildest dreams.

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: B-21 bombers may be a stealth, wealth and health hazard

A new report says Australia should consider buying B-21 stealth bomber. Seriously.

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Bali ‘bonk ban’ fundamental as anything

Tim Ferguson breaks down this week's news – including Indonesia's decision outlawing of sex outside marriage.

The New Daily

The Ferguson Report: Morrison gets through ‘not-sorry’ speech without smirking

Tim Ferguson breaks down this week's news, starting with Scott Morrison's not-sorry speech to the Australian parliament.

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