Indonesia’s Parliament will enforce a penal code amendment that outlaws sex outside marriage.
But not sex outside.
“Outside sex is OK,” said police chief Al Fresco, “so long as it’s above boogie board.”
“But singles will be arrested for Nasi Goreng at it like hammer and tongs.”
Tourism will not suffer. Australians are welcome to visit Indonesia for the cheap jail terms.
A horny tourist mourned the loss of one night stands on the beaches of Bali. “Where will singles mingle now?” she said. “If only Australia had a 34,000 kilometre coastline.”
Offenders will be sentenced to a year in prison, where they will enjoy all the sex that has been outlawed.
Reserve Bank admits to making this s— up as it goes along
The Reserve Bank has raised interest rates by “something or other” in the hope of saving the Australian economy from “who knows what”.
Interest rate hiking has been added to the list of sports for the 2032 Brisbane Olympics.
Governor Philip Lowe said the economy is “growing solidly” but many believe this is somewhat inflated.
Apart from interest rates, the Reserve Bank has also raised ire, eyebrows, and temperatures.
Liberals so desperate they’re becoming liberal
The Liberals are considering taking a giant leap to the left, which should place them firmly on the right.
A National Party spokes-hick said, “They’re turning into a bunch of teal-totallers.”
Teals are ‘identical independents’ who are individually indivisible.
Peter Dutton believes he can win the next election. This will seem unlikely until you get your next electricity bill.
A Liberal voter walking a liberadoodle explained. “We’ll snuggle up to the Teals by brown-nosing our rednecks.”
A Liberal dogsbody without a head explained the party’s ‘woman problem’. “Our ‘woman problem’ is that we just don’t like them. But we don’t like them on merit.”
Indonesia releases terrorist mass murderer for ‘good behaviour’
Indonesian authorities have released the 2002 Bali bomb-maker a decade early to remind us which Asian nation we should really be worrying about.
The Corrections Department said: “He has completed a deradicalization program and promises not to blow it. Up.”
The Indonesian government plans to release further mass murderers to make room for the expected influx of pre-marital sex offenders.
In other news …
WORLD EXCLUSIVE! FIRST TIME EVER! HARRY AND MEGHAN WHINGE ABOUT ROYAL FAMILY!
SWAP OF BASKETBALL STAR FOR ARMS DEALER WELCOMED BY ALL BUT GULAG DREAM TEAM
EVIDENCE SUGGESTS DALAI LAMA IS JUST SOME GUY
HACKERS ANNOUNCE ALP’S CYBER SECURITY STRATEGY
CLIMATE PROTESTER SENTENCED TO EIGHT MONTHS GLUED TO ANDREW BOLT
