Climate activists Extinction Rebellion have had a meeting.
But wait. There’s more.
They’ve accepted that throwing paint at great artworks has not stopped the oil, gas and coal industries.
And it’s made them no friends.
“At first, we expected results from vandalising van Gogh and pumpkin-souping Picasso,” said a climate activist accidentally glued to another climate activist. “But to stop global warming, we’ll throw popcorn at orchestras.”
Activists decided they will now stick to throwing tantrums and hissy fits.
Heinz are producing a soup targeting the extinction rebels. It contains pique, ire, and lashings of bile. The container will be in the shape of a loose cannon.
FRUIT ‘N’ NAZIS
Peter Dutton announced the Coalition would back national legislation against neo-Nazis, after a clash between police and a goose gaggle of fluffy fascists dressed in slumming black.
Federal Labor MP Chris Bowen condemned the protests.
“It’s unspeakably un-Australian,” he said. “It’s unacceptable. It is not on.”
But clearly, it is on.
The Neo-Nuff-Nuffs have Aussie credentials – beerguts and necks thickened by Dagwood Dogs. They engage in sausage sizzles, pub crawls and make love in the Convict Position.
As a compromise, the Home Affairs Ministry will introduce “Un-Australian Australian” passports.
“There are good Nazi chin-lickers on both sides,” said a negative Goering.
Several neo-Nazis entered Parliament House but were ordered off the white supremises.
US DEBT CEILING HITS THE ROOF
US President Joe Biden was forced to cancel his trip to Australia so he could do anything but visit Australia.
The President said he postponed his visit because of “unfolding difficulties”. He was unable to unfold his arms, a road map and his tongue.
“BREXIT HAS FAILED,” SAYS THE ONLY MAN WHO DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING
Former Brexit Party leader Nigel Farage admits he was off his bloc when he predicted Britain leaving the European Union wouldn’t be as economically catastrophic as it sounded.
“The Tories have let us down very, very badly,” he said through his spokesman, Inflatable Boy.
“The British Sausage, which sparked the entire Farage farrago, still tastes like dog food wrapped in wet pensioner blanket.”
In a gesture of goodwill, Germany offered to annexe Britain. Again.
A spokeshardliner for the remainder of the Remainers said Farage’s barrage borders on our unprotected borders.
In other news…
- DUTTON TO CELEBRATE ONE YEAR AS LEADER BY DRINKING TOAST FROM POISONED CHALICE
- U.S. SAVED FROM DEFAULT – NOW KNOWN AS “GOVT BROUGHT TO YOU BY AMAZON”
- HANSON WANTS TO WRITE VOICE REFERENDUM ‘NO’ PAMPHLET, PERHAPS WILL CALL IT ‘MY STRUGGLE’
- STUART ROBERT DENIES WRONGDOING, LISTS PARLIAMENT HOUSE OFFICE ON AIRBNB
- FLORIDA LIBRARY BANS ‘POSSUM MAGIC’ OVER FEARS OF MARSUPIAL WITCHCRAFT
- JETSTAR TRYING TO BOOST PERFORMANCE, HOPES TO BECOME JET-TWO-STARS
