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The Latest Breaking News from John Bowlby

What Happens to Feelings, Anxiety, and Attachment in the Week Before You Give Your Answer

The Week Is Not a PauseYou are not waiting. That is the first thing to understand about the seven or so days between a man asking you to consider him and you giving him your answer. Your body is running calculations. Your memory is curating. Your nervous system is doing…

Times Life · Sep 5

The Emotional Defense You Built to Survive Childhood Rejection Is Now Blocking Real Attachment

You learned this before you had words for itIt didn't start with a breakup or a betrayal. It started much earlier, with a parent who went cold when you cried too much, or a classroom where your excitement was met with silence, or a home where love felt conditional on…

Times Life · Sep 2

Why You Stay Friends With All Your Exes and What Your Attachment Pattern Is Really Saying

The Collection You Call ClosureYou have his number saved under his name, not under "don't pick up." You still send the one before him memes about the show you used to watch together. The one from three years ago texts on your birthday and you text back, warmly, because why…

Times Life · Aug 31

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Why does your child prefer one parent over the other? Psychology explains this common behavior and what it really means

Why does your child prefer one parent over the other? Children often prefer one parent over another based on changing needs and situations. Attachment theory explains this preference as seeking a secure base for comfort or play. Temperament and parenting styles also influence which parent a child might seek. Parents…

The Economic Times · Aug 19

Why Indian Dating Apps Have Given Us a Generation Stuck in the Almost Relationship

The Apartment You Never Quite Move IntoYou know exactly what this is. There is a man whose texts arrive at 11 pm and whose silences arrive on weekends. You have had the conversation about what this is at least twice, and both times it ended somewhere soft and unresolved, like…

Times Life · Aug 18

The Browsing Habit That Is Quietly Destroying Your Capacity for Real Intimacy and Connection

The Tab You Never CloseYou know the feeling. Someone is sitting across from you at a café in Bandra or Koramangala, saying something real, and your thumb is already itching. Not because he is boring. Because somewhere in the back of your mind, the app is still open. The browsing…

Times Life · Aug 18

When Secure Attachment Meets Avoidant Love: Why Safety Can Feel Like a Threat in Relationships

You Thought Steadiness Would Be EnoughYou did not go in naive. You knew he was guarded. You saw the way he changed the subject when conversations got too close, the way he laughed off anything that required him to say what he actually felt. You told yourself: give him time.…

Times Life · Aug 13

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The Grief You Owe Your Parents Is Also the Healing Every Future Relationship Needs

The Thing You Never Thought to MournNobody tells you that you are allowed to grieve a relationship that is still alive. Your parents are there, at Sunday lunch, on WhatsApp, calling to ask if you've eaten, and yet something in you is waiting for a version of them that was…

Times Life · Aug 2

When Your Partner's Love Language Was Never Spoken at Home, Your Relationship Pays the Price

The silence he grew up insideHis mother cooked three meals a day and never once said she loved him. His father paid school fees on time and called that enough. Nobody in that house was cruel. Nobody sat him down and explained that warmth was rationed, that affection was something…

Times Life · Jul 22

What Words of Affirmation Really Mean When Praise Was Never Part of Your Childhood

The compliment you cannot holdSomeone tells you that you handled something beautifully. Your partner, your colleague, a friend who has known you for years. And before the sentence has even finished, you are already shaking your head. "It was nothing." "Anyone would have done it." "I just got lucky." You…

Times Life · Jul 21

Psychology explains why people hug pillows while sleeping and what their brain may be seeking

Hugging a pillow during sleep fulfills deep human needs for comfort and safety. Psychologists suggest this habit connects to attachment theory and emotional regulation. Transitional object theory explains how familiar items provide reassurance and calm. Deep pressure stimulation from hugging can activate the body's relaxation response. Physical comfort and better…

The Economic Times · Jul 13

What You're Really Looking for When You Scroll Through Your Ex's Profile Late at Night

You already know his username by heart. You don't type it, your thumb finds it the way it finds the light switch in a dark room, without thinking, without deciding. It's past midnight, and you're in your scrolling. You're Not Looking for InformationYou tell yourself you want to know if…

Times Life · Jul 3

Psychology says some women crying and overexplaining themselves during arguments may not be normal: John Bowlby explains reason behind hidden tears

Although crying and overexplaining are natural emotional responses, psychologists note that they can become counterproductive when they replace clear, direct communication. When someone repeatedly feels ignored, invalidated or emotionally unsafe, they may find themselves caught in a frustrating cycle.

The Economic Times · Jun 10

Psychology says we fall for partners who exhibit our traumatic childhood experiences: 5 reasons explained by John Bowlby

Psychology says many individuals are naturally attracted to partners who mirror emotional dynamics they experienced during childhood. These connections often feel comfortable and instinctive because they are familiar. Yet familiarity does not necessarily equate to emotional well-being, and patterns that feel natural can sometimes be the very ones that are…

The Economic Times · Jun 9

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The Conversation · Feb 12

Valentine’s Day won’t fix your relationship – but attachment theory might explain it

As Valentine’s Day approaches, restaurant bookings fill up and couples exchange cards, flowers and carefully chosen gifts. For some, it’s a day of closeness and connection. For others, it can bring anxiety, disappointment or emotional distance.

LiveScience · Dec 12, 2024

What are 'attachment styles,' and is there science to back them up?

Attachment styles are real, but there are a lot of misconceptions about how they work.

The Guardian - UK · Nov 3, 2024

A decade ago, my father suffered alone and in misery. Why do dementia sufferers still face the same fate?

Launched in the Observer, John’s Campaign aims to give frail people the right to be accompanied by those who love them

GoodToKnow · Mar 31, 2024

What is attachment parenting and is it a style you want to try? We spoke to an expert and here’s all you need to know

If you're interested in attachment parenting, we've sought expert help from a psychologist to give you all the information you need on this popular style of raising kids.

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Bangkok Post · May 7, 2023

Helping kids in need

Growing up in a business family, Janphen Phiromlapha set her sights on making money until she took a young girl, who is not related by blood, into her family.

The Conversation · Apr 4, 2023

I went behind the scenes of Penguin's psychiatric titles – what I found was women’s hidden labour

Penguin Books brought psychiatric ideas to post-war Britain through their inexpensive paperback list. This eclectic list ranged from general introductions to psychiatry and psychotherapy, to discussions of specific problems like depression and anorexia nervosa, and also large political issues such as propaganda and brainwashing.

The Conversation · Jan 17, 2023

Parents in the US had alarmingly high rates of anxiety and depression during the COVID-19 pandemic – and that has a direct effect on kids

It’s no secret that the COVID-19 pandemic has taken a heavy toll on the mental health of kids and parents alike.

The Conversation · Nov 30, 2022

Attachment theory: what people get wrong about pop psychology’s latest trend for explaining relationships

Attachment theory is almost everywhere. In magazines and books, in the news, on social media and in our conversations with each other.

The Guardian - UK · Oct 10, 2022

The big idea: why the maternal instinct is a myth

The ‘parental brain’ is something that develops with experience – and anyone can get one

Salon · Feb 13, 2022

Are attachment styles B.S.?

Like love languages and zodiac signs, attachment style is the new pop psychology fad for determining compatibility

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