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Machine Gun Kelly has opened up about the complex relationship he had with his father – who was tried for the murder of his own father at nine years old – and the effect it had on his life.
Speaking on a new episode of the Dumb Blonde podcast, the 34-year-old singer-songwriter and rapper, real name Colson Baker, candidly discussed his childhood and how it’s gone on to influence his music.
Baker was born in Houston, Texas, to Christian missionaries. As a child, his family lived in various countries, including Kenya, Germany and Egypt.
“In my situation with my father, he was so tormented from some of the most insane s*** that I can imagine a kid can go through,” he told host Bunnie XO (wife of country star Jelly Roll) adding that his mother’s side is Norwegian, making her “very stoic.”
“So the emotional side of things I get from my father, who was very, you know, he wore everything on his sleeve,” he explained. “His depression was very obvious; his need for love was very [obvious]. I wish I could’ve told him before he died that I was really inspired by how emotional he was. I thought that was very cool in hindsight because I am very emotional, too.”
The “sun to me” artist’s father died on July 5, 2020.
“My father’s childhood journey definitely bled into mine because we shared the same bed for years,” Baker said.
“You know, the years my dad slept depressed, I took on all that,” he continued. “I always used to get so mad at him when I was a kid because if I scared him, or he heard a loud boom, he would always freak out – like gnarly freak out – and I would be like, ‘You’re supposed to be a man, dude. Why are you acting like this?’ and it made me hate him.
“And then you sit there and you think about a kid who was on trial at nine years old for the murder of his father, and knowing that the police found the shotgun underneath the bed.
“The story that was always told me was that their dad dropped the gun and his head essentially blew off,” he recalled. “All happened in the room with my dad at nine years old. So him and my grandmother were tried for the murder. They were both acquitted.”
Colson said the traumatic event led to his father having a split personality.
“So a lot of things, man, that I’ve taken on,” he said. “And I think I’ve projected myself to be somebody who has the stamina to endure all of these things that come with fame and criticism and hate, because I fought back with all those traumas by becoming what I always wanted my father to be, which was tough, and shake everything off and fight anyone who comes at you.
“I was a really shy, f***ed up kid, internally, and really broken,” he added. “I’m just now fixing myself and I don’t have the energy to be the image that I was, because I’m also kinda sick of being on an island alone, outside of my fans who can really read into the music. As far as public persona, I’m really, really sick of being what they think I am.”
Colson, who broke up with actor Megan Fox earlier this year, recently released his latest single, “Lonely Road (with Jelly Roll).”
“Telling the story of lower-middle-class, struggling family and relationship is what I really grew up seeing,” he said of the track’s message, “so it was something that felt right to do on a song that everyone keeps telling me was a hit.”
