Dear Anna,
I met this female at a bar because I’m friends with her friend. I got her number, and we went to dinner later that weekend. We went back to her place and started furiously making out, during which I was informed that I would not get laid even on the third date unless we were in a relationship. I mentioned something like I might not mind dating her, and she said she hoped I'd say something like that. So at some point later I asked her "Are you gonna be my girl?" and she answered with yes.
Second date, (the following week) I cook her dinner at her place. We end up having the sex. Then she loses her phone for a week but I don't know and she is not returning my calls and I send her some text messages including “you're done” and then a conciliatory one apologizing. When I found out she had lost her phone I drove to her apartment and met up with her after work to make sure she hadn't found it yet and then told her to ignore some irate text messages. We hung out for a tiny bit and then made plans the next day. Basically I try and get the sex again and am informed that she doesn't normally have sex that soon with somebody she's not in a relationship with and that I “got lucky.” I'm like whoa, so we're not in a relationship? And she is kind of like I don't even really know you (legitimate but hurtful thing to say) and then tells me she is dating someone else too. Well I got up and left her bed and haven't talked to her since. Problem is I like this girl. WTF should I do now? — Hefty Opportunities Obscure Petty Surprises
Dear HOOPS,
Let me get this straight — you met a girl and on the first date she starts giving you ultimatums (call me Girlfriend or face eternal chastity); you give her what she wants, then she goes back on her admittedly strange sex agreement and claims you just got lucky; then she tells you she’s banging someone else and that she doesn’t even know you.
All of this sounds like a recipe for a healthy, mutually respectful relationship. (Sarcasm.)
Either she’s suffering from the kind of soap opera amnesia that rivals smarmy doctors who accidentally switch twins at birth and give the “good” twin reconstructive facial surgery, thus rendering her unrecognizable to her real parents and her true love who is also actually her twin brother AND the son of the evil doctor in question! Or, more likely, this girl is lacking emotional maturity and you shouldn’t waste your time. (I’m not letting you off the hook, either. You also need to work on your maturity if you’re sending irate breakup texts and then telling her to “just ignore them.”)
In either case, if things are already this hard — two dates in! — do you really think they’ll get any easier? I’ll answer that for you: They will not.
Also, I find the whole “lost phone for a week” excuse to be pretty flimsy. You are basically strangers, so perhaps she didn’t know how to contact you, and all of your social media accounts are well hidden or guarded. Why then would she not ask your mutual friend to pass this message along to you? But that’s a small piffle on her list of many piffles that have appeared in the very short time you’ve known her.
Spend your time on someone who’s less into games and more into you.
Dear Anna,
Hello, my name is Thomas and I would like to know if you have a 1,000-2,000-pound chain hoists with at least 20-inch reach?
Dear Thomas,
My last name may be Pulley, but sadly my knowledge and ability to procure them ends there. Keep searching and I am sure you’ll find the chain hoist of your dreams.
Dear Anna,
Been with this guy about six months. Recently he found my journal, and read some stuff that was not always flattering to him or our relationship — I expressed doubts about our long-term future. Then, he proceeded to break into my email and found some benign messages from a former co-worker that he claims are flirtatious. At this point I’m pissed. He’s making me feel like I did something wrong for ever questioning our relationship and that I’m “emotionally cheating” on him. Meanwhile I’m not allowed to be mad that he violated my privacy TWICE. I don’t know what to do about this. We keep fighting in circles. — Pretty Incensed Security Schism Enrages Diplomacy
Dear PISSED,
Yeah, you need to break up with him. His behavior is controlling and invasive and you should listen to your doubts about your long-term compatibility. Someone who snoops once is likely going to snoop again. And the accusation of “emotional cheating” is probably his sordid attempt to justify this violation of your privacy, which you say you’re “now allowed” to be mad about. You are! And you are entitled to boundaries about your personal and electronic spaces.
To paraphrase the great Oprah Winfrey, your inner voice whispers until it screams. If you ignore the warning bells you’re hearing now, they’re going to get louder and louder until you pay attention. Save yourself the future heartache and privacy violations and end it now.
