If there was ever a kind way to dump someone, it probably isn’t choosing to do it mere moments away from Valentine’s Day. And yet, today is Red Tuesday, the single most popular day of the year to get dumped. At least, that’s according to new research conducted by Illicit Encounters, the UK’s largest extramarital dating website.
A survey of 1,500 members of the website revealed that more than one-third (34 per cent) had ended a relationship in the lead-up to Valentine’s Day. Of those, nearly half (49 per cent) said they had purposely chosen to conduct the breakup on Red Tuesday, aka the Tuesday before Valentine’s Day.
As for why, money was one of the biggest motivators, with 41 per cent saying they didn’t want to invest in Valentine’s Day trips and presents for someone they were no longer interested in being with. Meanwhile, 29 per cent confessed to not wanting to fake affection on a day that is supposed to be about celebrating romantic love. Additionally, 24 per cent said they simply wanted a clean slate for spring – the beginning of what many dub the “uncuffing” season.
It’s a devastating, brutal, and bleak insight into the realities of modern dating. Sadly, it’s also not surprising. Of course, these findings should be taken with a pinch of salt, given that the demographic is a group of people who are actively looking to cheat on their partners. But they will still resonate with the wider dating culture that many singletons like myself move within – one that is characterised by callousness and disposability.
Thanks to dating apps, it has become easier and quicker to find someone to date. I’m not saying they’ll necessarily be the love of your life, but the fact is that most of us can pick up our phones, tap a few times, and instantly be speaking to someone we’re attracted to. When we can start something so impulsively, is it any wonder we can end it with the same lack of care and consideration?
In some ways, it makes sense to dump someone before Valentine’s Day. Why would you want to sit through a candlelit dinner across from a person who has already inspired several long lists of icks, let alone spend oodles of cash feigning interest via flowers, chocolates, and whatever other Valentine’s Day paraphernalia capitalism has coerced you into buying.
Perhaps it’s better and kinder just to rip the plaster off and get the whole thing over with, sparing yourself and this future ex of yours from any further pain or discomfort. You’ll save time and money. It might even help your partner to move on faster in the long run. I can see why someone would make that case, especially if they have a habit of turning to ChatGPT for advice, which will simply validate their bad behaviour.
But – call me old-fashioned – I think there’s something uniquely cruel about breaking up with someone right before the one day each year that the world commits to celebrating romantic love. Obviously, when you break it down, there is no great way to dump someone. The timing will always be off, close to some sort of meaningful occasion, whether it’s a birthday, a funeral, or someone’s younger cousin’s bar mitzvah. You can’t dump someone when they’re already down; nor can you do it when they’re happy and risk ruining their day or year.
It’s about choosing the lesser of many evils. And if that means sitting through one more dinner, or biting your tongue for just a few more days to spare someone an extra layer of pain, well, I think it’s worth doing.
All of us could do with committing to bringing a little more compassion to a dating scene that so often feels pallid at best, disturbed and dysfunctional at worst. Being dumped will invariably feel terrible whenever it happens. If you have the opportunity to make it feel any less terrible by choosing your timing wisely, I’d say take it.
And if you do get dumped today, well, all I have to say is congratulations. Because you’ve avoided spending your future with someone truly awful, and potentially also someone who signed up to a website for extramarital affairs.
