Nine months until I turn 40 and I’m conscious of it.
I like getting older, in fact, I revel in it. More able to deal with any drama that lands on my desk. My son’s a teenager, so I have more free time. I have experience in most things and I’m less afraid to take risks. Only this morning I did my first ever radio show! But I am conscious of the years creeping up.
So what happens on the day? Does a theoretic clock stop and suddenly I’m old? Does the clock start and my real life begin? Or am I simply on the countdown to the menopause?
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Every woman will go through the menopause and yet very little is widely known about it. Only thanks to celebrities such as Davina McCall and Meg Matthews, is the conversation even entering the media.
Menopause is defined as, 'the time of life when a woman's ovaries stop producing hormones and menstrual periods stop.' Natural menopause usually occurs around age 50. A woman is said to be in menopause when she hasn't had a period for 12 months in a row.
At this point, your body is no longer producing hormones that cause your menstrual period - oestrogen and progesterone. Along with testosterone, the hormone responsible for your sex drive, bone mass and behaviour - and hasn’t done so for 12 months.
Perimenopause is the lesser known but arguably more important stage. This is the time leading up to menopause where the side effects of the depleting hormones can become debilitating.
There are over 35 symptoms for perimenopause, including insomnia, mood swings, depression, anxiety, weight gain, hot flushes, brain fog, skin changes (itchy/dry), loss of bladder control, irregular periods, loss of sex drive, night sweats, muscle pain, joint pain and vaginal dryness that can cause sex to be painful.
Perimenopause lasts an average of four years and this will likely come at a time when you’re negotiating with a houseful of teenagers, caring for small children, caring for elderly relatives and/or at the top of your game at work.
Menopause is everywhere. Most women over 40 and some much younger are suffering - so why is there a black hole when it comes to information? Women have been experiencing debilitating mental health and physical symptoms that have a huge impact on their every day activities, abilities at work and personal and intimate relationships. Simply suffering in silence, ashamed and just trying their best to get on with things.
I remember a friend saying, “my mum's being a crank because she’s goes through the change” and her whole family rolling their eyes. Imagine experiencing all these symptoms and everyone around you - including your family and your employers - expecting you to pull yourself together and get on with everything you usually do.
In January 2023 the government rejected calls for a trial of menopause leave for women, claiming it could cause discrimination against men with long-term medical conditions. How did we let a conversation about menopause turn into a problem for the poor men? Beggars belief! Ministers also rejected a recommendation to make menopause a protected characteristic under the Equalities Act. So, we’re on our own. Unprotected and spiralling. It’s no wonder one in 10 women have left work because of menopause.
I reached out to a few friends around my age who might be experiencing symptoms. Liz says: “I can tick all but two of that list of symptoms, and I’m only 43”.
Laura adds: “These hot flushes! I used to be nice and now it’s like I wake up and choose violence.”
In the Guardian this week was a question from a man who’s partner was going through menopause. She had lost her sex drive and he was asking if he should take the opportunity to explore his sexuality and sleep with other people. Is this really the level of support we can expect?
Jenni adds: “I’m in perimenopause and honestly, I’ve never felt so unattractive in my whole entire life. If my partner was to cheat on me whilst I’m struggling, it would destroy me!”
Clare says: “I’m deep in perimenopause at the moment and it’s hit me hard, mentally and physically. It also riddles me with anxiety that my other half will get fed up of my lower sex drive. I don’t think he would cheat or leave, but the fear is there.”
Sam adds: “I’ve got this all going on right now! Just been prescribed testosterone to see if it helps. Luckily I have a lovely fella who gets it.”
While Deb says: “I was diagnosed with early menopause two years ago at 40 and its has been a living hell, to be honest. But I feel like I'm coming out the other side now. HRT and collagen supplements are the one! Nobody in the medical profession listens to you, or how you are feeling, I'm lucky I have the nicest and most amazing husband in the world. Start taking collagen now, get all the bone broth in you that you can, it really helps! Apple cider vinegar is fantastic too. Don't dread it, it's actually quite liberating, once you stop wanting to stab everything and everyone!”
Meg Matthews has been very open about her first and unexpected symptoms of menopause. In a recent interview for Planet Mindful she revealed: “My symptoms were all linked to mental health.” She added: “I had lots of anxiety, lots of overwhelming feelings towards life and I became agoraphobic. I didn’t leave the house for three months and my world became smaller and smaller.”
Davina McCall released a second menopause documentary in May 2022 called Sex, Mind and Menopause and the show started a 'menopause revolution', arming women with facts and statistics. The message is clear, woman should not have to put up with debilitating symptoms that have caused irreparable damage to careers and marriages, as an inevitable part of ageing. We should demand treatment for it, like any other condition.
Davina has sent thousands of women to their GP to request HRT - a once frowned upon drug that the media reported had more negative effects than benefits, back in 2002. When in fact, further studies showed that the use of HRT in early menopausal women not only relieved mental health and physical symptoms, it also had a beneficial effect on the cardiovascular system, reducing coronary heart disease and all-cause mortality.
Davina’s documentary also produced evidence that HRT should be given to women years before menopause and doctors in America showcased evidence that HRT can reduce the risk of Alzheimer's in women by 50-80% along with reducing the risk of Parkinson's, multiple sclerosis and motor neurone disease.
It’s not just women who need to be aware of the signs and symptoms of menopause. Men need to be able to look out for them and spot them in the women around them.
Widower David Salmon is calling for people to understand more about the symptoms of menopause. David’s is a hard hitting story, of a husband who lost his wife to suicide during the menopause. His wide Linda took her own life after struggling with what doctors called 'treatment resistant depression'. Mr Salmon had no idea that menopause caused anxiety and suicidal thoughts until he was watching a BBC television program, that included information about how suddenly and severely mental health can deteriorate during perimenopause and menopause.
David worked closely with campaigners GenM to tell his story as part of their efforts to raise awareness amongst men, of the menopause and its symptoms. You can read more about the campaign here.
Tragically, suicide rates for women peak between the age of 45 and 54 years. With what I’ve learned this week, I think it can’t be a coincidence that this is the exact same period of life that women hormones are depleting. Everybody needs to be educated on perimenopause and much more needs to be done to recognise any issues and difficulties caused by changing hormones in women, during this time.
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