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Evening Standard
Evening Standard
Lifestyle
Maddy Mussen

What do millennials, Gen Z and Gen X really want in bed? (It's not what you think)

Gen Z are having the same amount of sex as baby boomers, BDSM is on the rise and a whopping number of millennials are secretly open to polyamory, according to a new report into global sex habits by the Kinsey Institute’s Dr. Justin Lehmiller, in partnership with dating app Feeld.

The study, which polled over 3,300 people from across 71 countries, has laid bare the sex habits of four different generations, all the way from Gen Z to the baby boomers.

One key finding shows that Gen Z are indeed having less sex than other generations, as many suspected, with Gen Z respondents admitting to having sex three times in the last month, compared to millennials’ and Gen Xers’ average of five times a month.

Funnily enough, Gen Z are having exactly the same amount of sex as boomers, the generation that can reach up to 66 years their senior, who also reported an average of three times a month. And some Gen Zs aren’t having any sex at all — 37% of Gen Z reported no sex in the last month, compared to 19% of Millennials and 17% of Gen X.

Millennials are having more sex than Gen Zs, according to the new report (HBO)

And if that doesn’t make them sound conservative enough, just wait until you hear about their fantasies: according to the study, 81% of Gen Zs have fantasised about monogamy, almost half (44%) admitted that they fantasise about this often. How very vanilla.

It comes as no surprise to some Gen Zs, including Rebecca Stillwell, 26, who says she doesn’t know “very many” people her age who have casual sex anymore. “It’s becoming less and less of a conversation with friends,” she reveals. “I definitely have a lot more friends who talk about not having sex for various reasons, like stress, gender dysphoria, or because there’s more acceptance around how trauma can impact your sexual relationships.”

Stilwell reckons it’s down to one main issue: “In our world of social media it feels like we’re more concerned with ‘being sexy’ than having sex.”

Meanwhile, millennials, Gen Xers and boomers are getting very into the idea of open relationships, with 75-80% of respondents from these generations having fantasised about an open relationship, and 31-32% fantasising about it often. Moreover, the statistics also show a higher preference towards ethical nonmonogamy among these older generations. So, check in on your married friends, because there might be some doors going from closed to ajar real soon.

Books and films like Fifty Shades of Grey have helped to normalise kink and BDSM, says the new report (PA)

Tom Haynes, 28, is a millennial who has picked up on this trend, especially within the gay community in London. “Half the people on grindr are in them and some of my friends are starting them,” he says. He believes the trend is partially fuelled by the renting crisis. “Loads of us in London can’t settle down and get mortgages and babies, which sort of lock you in, or at least give you something you can both work towards. Plus we’re the generation where either our parents were divorced or we knew several people who have divorced parents, so we know that the pitfalls of settling with one person just because we met and are still together at a certain age.”

And as for kinks, BDSM is the most beloved, especially so for the seemingly sexless Gen Zs, ironically. According to the Kinsey Insitute and Feeld study, 56% of Gen Z reported having BDSM fantasies, compared to 52% of millennials, 31% of Gen Xers and 12% of boomers.

Why? Porn, namely, but the study also points towards pop cultural moments like the release of Fifty Shades of Grey as having helped normalise kink among the younger generations.

Ultimately, the study concludes that “Gen Z is kinkier and more fluid in both their gender and sexuality” than millennials, Gen Xers, and boomers are, but they’re also currently far more traditional in terms of monogamy and the amount of sex they’re having. Maybe that will change with age but, for now, just know that your middle aged friends are having more sex than the young. Good for them!

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