My twin babies didn’t survive their premature birth – and I’m left to wonder why

‘We may never know if my babies’ premature birth could have been prevented but our questions over why my husband and I were left to birth and resuscitate them alone at home remain unanswered.’ Photograph: Oksana Kalmykova/Getty Images/iStockphoto

One, two, three, four, five, breathe, breathe. One, two, three, four, five, breathe, breathe.

Lying on the cold tiles of my bathroom floor, I had just given birth to my twin son, Zakaria, at just 23 weeks and six days gestation. My knees buckling, almost falling to the floor, with only my husband to hold me upright. He said some words. I can’t quite remember, but it was along the lines of “rely on God”.