While marriage is a beautiful union built on love and commitment, it doesn’t always guarantee a lifetime of happiness. Life is complicated, and sometimes, things don’t go as planned. Many people find themselves reflecting on their decision to say "I do," wondering if it was the right choice after all.
Recently, men turned to Reddit to open up about the heartbreaking regrets that made them rethink their marriages. Scroll down to read their stories, and feel free to share if any of these experiences resonated with you.
#1
Not putting in the effort that is expected.
My wife put in all the effort and I didn't try hard enough.
Image credits: daftvaderV2
#2
Getting married when I was too young, 21, not old enough to know a lot of things that I should have known.
Image credits: JerryTexas52
#3
My wife and I both agree: we got married because our families, and society in general, expected it. We have no regrets--our marriage is pretty good--but the relationship isn't *better* in any way for us being married.
Married or not, we're definitely happier together than apart, though.
Image credits: ProbablyLongComment
#4
Being emotionally and psychologically abused by a narcissist....should have run many, many years ago.
#5
Thinking that the things that bothered me about her would fade. Or she would change. Boy was I wrong. Every single surface is covered in c**p, I am about to divorce someone for being too messy.
Image credits: MattClausePetit
#6
Not divorcing sooner. I held out for years longer than was good for either of us and the children. It got ugly. In hindsight, I should have walked away with her saying that I gave up too soon rather than having put up with those last five years of truly vast quantities of money spent on marriage counseling that just made things worse, intense fights, bruises, concussion, and winter nights sleeping in the car.
Image credits: RickKassidy
#7
Biggest regret is not pushing to meet her family sooner. We dated for 6 years long distance before I saw her mom and dad and sister interact at a dinner table.
It revealed so much about my wife’s behaviors, mannerisms, stigmas that I previously could not wrap my head around. Her parents were unbelievably toxic to one another’s and her sister was unhinged.
We’re still married and happy with a child on the way but it would have been nice to know about her family history of mental illness and her parent’s loveless marriage and all the neglect my wife suffered prior.
I remember talking to my dad about her and the best way I could describe her was that occasionally for weeks/months on end she turned into a house cat.
She would do nothing just eat and sleep, mindlessly watched tv and social media for 12-16 hours a day, refuses to do even simple tasks. And then like a switch she would be normal again and contribute as if nothing happened.
Turns out her mom is diagnosed with ADHD and depression, her sister is diagnosed with bi-polar and BPD and her dad is a literal hoarder and while not medically diagnosed has done some pretty messed up things that has me thinking he has no ability to feel empathy….
Image credits: Pudii_Pudii
#8
My gullibility in believing my wife and her family are capable of keeping their promises and saying what they mean.
Image credits: bubonis
#9
Marrying the wrong person.
#10
I don’t mean this in an “Aw sweet” kind of way, but I wish I’d just done it sooner. I wanted to have a good job before we got married. But getting married wouldn’t have changed that, except maybe making it a little easier for us tax wise. We’d been together for 6 years and knew about 8 months in we were done looking. But. I had stupid young man pride.
My other regret, and she agrees, is the wedding. In hindsight it was a stupidly expensive party we didn’t get to enjoy.
Image credits: kbean826
#11
1st Marriage, no regrets about getting married with what I knew at the time, but I do regret how I handled her infidelity. I was far too conciliatory, and I think if I had been more firm with her in setting boundaries afterward, maybe we'd have actually made it (I doubt it, but in retrospect I think that was our only chance).
2nd marriage was just a mistake. We just weren't compatible. She's a good person, but we weren't good together. I knew this subconsciously before we got married, but I convinced myself that my misgiving were just "jitters." After I realized it (~6 months), should have ended it sooner (kept trying for 7 years-I/we had no chance).
I'm engaged now to a woman who makes me feel VERY differently about the relationship than I ever have, and this feels like "it's supposed to," if that makes any sense, but I still learned a lot from my past, and I'm using what I learned to make sure I don't repeat mistakes (I definitely accept my portion of the blame for things that went wrong-I've had a lot of time to think about them).
Image credits: surgeon67
#12
Lack of sex, terrible finances, inconsistent child raising, and jealousy and lack of trust from her.
#13
Getting married so quickly. We got married when I was 23 and he was just shy of 25. We’d only been together 10 months.
We had always planned to get married, just not THEN.
But then his very proper grandparents said that we should get married or they’d be disappointed, essentially stop seeing us, and we’d see no help from them. To this day I’m not sure what kind of help they thought we wanted.
So we got married.
BUT…..been married for 21 years (together for 22) and very happy together so I guess it worked out in the end.
Image credits: Specialist_Risk2178
#14
Shockingly, not much. My marriage only lasted 5 or 6 years. I made a poor choice in women, or rather I ignored the red flags that were waving in my face like a Communist parade.
Thing is though, I wouldn't change any of the marriage part of it. My X-Wife turned out to be more awful that I thought though. When my gay kid came out (over a decade after we split), she actually told her "Why don't you try being normal" which still pisses me off to this day. But again, I don't regret the time I spent with her. It helped forge me into who I am. While it all went down in flames, I learned a lot in those few brief years and I ended up with a kid who I love with all my heart. She's the best part of my life. She also doesn't even see her mother anymore. Once that whole "be normal" thing went down, that was it.
I regret very little of my life. I've had a great one. Even now at middle age, I'm not going to sit here and look back wondering "what if?". Of course I could have made some better choices. A lot of them in fact. But as long as you learn from your mistakes, these aren't wasted experiences. I'm not the smartest guy in the room, but I never make the same mistake twice. And I feel like regret, wondering what might have been, fawning over the past, it's all a waste of the present. At least that's how I try to live.
Image credits: ZZoMBiEXIII
#15
For me, it is the constant compromising I do mentally. It probably the same in any kind of relationship but I lose the sense of independence and freedom for mental compromise as a partner. Not a big regret for me but the biggest one i can think of. It's good to remind oneself to take a me day every once and a while.
Image credits: skullman_ps2
#16
Divorced here -
not trusting my instincts sooner.
I vividly remember telling her that she had the ability to "steam roll" my emotions and feelings. that was *before* we got married in 2001
cut to 4 years post divorce now in 2023, and her steamroller is larger and more abusive and meaner.
Image credits: Optimal-Judgment-982
#17
I was manipulated into marrying a woman that turned out to be profoundly violently mentally ill. I knew she had issues but had no idea how severe. I should have trusted my gut instinct. The final time 20 years ago she was committed to a psych ward I grabbed custody and a restraining order.
Always trust your instincts.
Image credits: airbornedoc1
#18
That this woman thought she owned my bank acct and should run my life and that I actually cooperated with her!
#19
Letting my MIL push us around for a couple of years.
Image credits: Garage-gym4ever
#20
Not talking about boundaries before and ensuring I have enough space and time to myself.
Image credits: SaysPooh
#21
We’re married during Covid, so we didn’t get a wedding. Feels silly to do one now, but I hate that I missed out.
Image credits: DreadfulRauw
#22
Not cohabiting first.
Image credits: rolypolydoughy
#23
The money spent on it. Worst part is, I kept telling my wife we could spend it on a nicer honeymoon, or a house, or literally anything, but to no avail. She now agrees, and in general is better with money than I am, but for whatever reason, that wedding venue, food and everything created a blind spot for her frugality.
#24
As a divorced man, I regret all of it.
#25
Getting married, getting married without a pre nup.
#26
The person I married and the person I became.
#27
Not doing it sooner. We lived about 500 miles apart. I even resisted the long distance relationship for years. Everything can work. Everything can be worked around.
#28
Inviting family to the wedding.
#29
Spending on a videographer. Not researching a good photographer.
#30
Combining finances.
#31
Thinking I could cure his depression and PTSD and not realizing that he never was in love with me plus total sexual incompatibility.
#32
Getting married. I love my wife and kids, and getting married probably saved my life. I feel like I'm not cut out for marriage, though, and I have so many days where I wish I just chose never to get married and have kids.
Image credits: paco1764
#33
Settling for someone and not waiting for the right one.
#34
That we had to move in with parents initially because the house we were buying together fell through. It didn’t give us the best start to our marriage, but things are much better now.
#35
My first marriage, the only things i dont regret are my kids and filing for divorce. My current marriage, absolutely nothing. My marriage is as close to perfect as it gets.
#36
If anyone has regrets, it’s likely not about marriage, it’s about being with the wrong person.
#37
Did a visa marriage so we could be together at all and she wanted it to be public and I conceded and that was a big mistake. Should have just stayed on paper in a drawer for the utility of it. Telling people about it will only and did bring more problems than we could handle.
#38
Wasted time and resources. All for nothing.
#39
The wedding, her family, her obsession with money.
#40
Losing my independence. And not having as much sex as I want. My wife decided to stop taking care of herself the minute we got married. Has gained about 15 pounds a year, every year, since we got married. Will not stop eating, will not work out, and any pushback from my side results in arguments and accusations of "fatphobia." her solution to this is for me to magically become attracted to obese women by listening to podcasts about fat shaming.
Image credits: hadriantheteshlor
#41
Not being aligned with sex drive. Would've been good to know that 10years ago. Love her more than anything but jerkin the old gherkin get old on your own after a while ?.
#42
That I went from broke to well off and my ex went from well off to broke, and now that we’re getting divorced it’s reversed again.
#43
The Wife!
BTW thats not a joke.
#44
The getting married part.
#45
Not sleeping with more women before I got married.
#46
Having children too early.
I consider 32 too early — for me personally.
#47
I expected more out of her improving on herself; not being false she is definitely better than when we were dating/engaged, its just not in the direction I expected.
#48
Getting married in general, it's nothing more than an relationship insurance policy for women. Pre marriage, it wasn't bad. The more she got( house, marriage, child) she became one of those I don't do this, I don't do that women. I don't help, ice completely clocked out. I got to work, come home to my computer room, and only come out to use the restroom and eat dinner. Rinse and repeat. She sits complains about, all I see looking atbher is a false advertising sign on the coach. I stay for my kid because I enjoy seeing him daily, and over my f*****g did body she's getting half my bank account, I rather be 6 feet under.
#49
We're 23 years together and had close to 10 years of "deadbedroom" (used "" cause we did have sex like once, twice a month while i needed it daily). I regret i didn't push it hard enough and tried to solve it in wrong way.
#50
When I get angry at Wifey, I can't tell her to get out and go home.....
BECAUSE SHE'S ALREADY HOME!!!
