On the outside Michelle Obama has it all — perfect hair, fantastic clothes, a megawatt smile, lucrative book deals, good-looking kids, and an attentive husband.
Yet, sometimes she feels confused, scared, and unsure of her future. A global pandemic, a nation consumed by racial inequality, an insurrection at the Capitol, and the threatened end of women’s reproductive rights even throws the former first lady out of balance.
In her second book, "The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times," Obama shares techniques for getting through periods of anxiety.
Obama’s self-help messages are especially relatable to me because our backgrounds are so similar. We both grew up with parents and grandparents who experienced racism but still pushed their children to excellence. She speaks to women trying to please our families, fit in at work, and yes, are obsessive list-makers.She gives perspective to those who fear failure or worry that being true to ourselves — like wearing braids in the White House — could risk our jobs, our relationships, and the respect we’ve worked so hard to get.
In "The Light We Carry," Obama shares ideas for quelling what roils our stomachs and ways to move forward. She’s like a big sister whispering in my ear, “You are enough.” And I believe her.
Here are a few gems I gleaned from "The Light We Carry."
Claim small victories
During the pandemic, Obama learned to knit. With each hat, scarf and pair of socks she completed, she felt accomplished. Her mind quieted and her confidence grew. “I’ve come to understand that sometimes the big stuff becomes easier to handle when you deliberately put something small alongside it,” Obama wrote.
Practice to get past fear
When you are not prepared, “your fearful mind tries to seize the steering wheel and change course,” Obama writes. Obama suggests taking the time to do the work so when it’s time to shine you can lean into well-developed skills. Being prepared, she writes, is practicing past those fears. “The more you practice, the better you get at it. Each leap I’ve taken has only made the next leap easier.”
Find balance
I feel nervous and icky when I’ve spent too many days on deadline without giving myself the time to take a walk, load the dishwasher, or go for a swim. “I’ve learned to recognize and appreciate balance,” Obama writes, “make note of the moments when I feel the steadiest, most focused, most clear and to think analytically about what’s helped me to get to that place.”
Express your needs
When we don’t express our hopes and dreams, we cheat ourselves from getting what we need and want — whether it’s starting a business or a family. “It’s about learning to shelter your flame without hiding its light,” Obama writes. “The challenge in leading a big life becomes trying to find ways to protect your dreams and your drive, to remain tough without being overly guarded, to stay nimble and open to growth, allowing others to see you for who you are.”
Always go high
When Obama gave her famous, “When they go low, we go high,” speech at the 2016 Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia, she was tired after nearly eight years of seeing her husband’s work undermined and his character denigrated. But instead of launching into silly tit-for-tats with her adversaries, she ignored the drama. “Going high,” she writes, “is about resisting the temptation to participate in shallow fury and corrosive contempt, instead of figuring out how to respond with a clear voice to whatever is shallow and corrosive around you.” It is, she said, a commitment to showing your children, your friends and your community what it looks like to live and operate with decency.
So should you always go high?
“Yes,” Obama writes, “Always yes.”
