Clarity Mills works as an IT consultant by day, but by night she makes money as a professional dominatrix.
While she works with some of the world's biggest multi-national companies as part of her day job, she says she would probably earn more money from her BDSM and fetish work if she did it full time. The LA-born married woman, who moved to Ireland in 2016, specialises in mergers and acquisitions for Forbes 100 listed corporations.
But in the evenings and weekends, she explores the world of kink with paying clients, some of whom she says are "very successful". Clarity, 38, spoke to the Irish Sunday Mirror after her side-hustle working in the sex industry.
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“I’ve travelled all over the world, lived in nine countries and visited 73.", says Clarity. “I own a tech consulting company, mostly helping multi-billion corporations relocate here for Brexit.
“I can work silly hours but you sleep when you’re dead right? The dominatrix work tends to be two to three days, evenings and weekends, so it doesn’t overlap with the corporate work.
“Because I do it more, the corporate consulting [earns more money], but I suppose if I was to make kink my full time job I could hypothetically make more money from the kink.”
Clarity and her husband are both swingers and polyamorous, and while he finds her sex work “hilarious” she revealed: “He’s absolutely not into it.” She added: “The fact this exists is not a revelation – all you need to do is look on the internet for five minutes.
“It’s much more prevalent than people think. The scene has doubled since I got here. A lot of the people I work with are really, really successful
“From professional athletes to actors or corporate professionals, all walks of society. If you’re on point all day submitting to power is just a release, it feels like being held. It allows you to go into a different mindset.”
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The pandemic saw a huge increase in the online adult entertainment industry with users spending an estimated €2billion on the site OnlyFans in 2020. Its global membership topped 120 million during lockdown – and Irish adults are said to be among the biggest users.
Dublin accounts for 65% of Porn Hub traffic coming from Ireland, while the website fetlife.com has 155,000 Irish members, 95,000 of them in the capital.
Clarity uses manacles, chains and whips on her clients and is happy to wear a strap-on if they are into “pegging”. But, she says, she draws the line at a “golden shower” or any fetish which blurs consent and makes her feel unsafe.
She revealed: “I’ll always have supervision in the space, somebody else working in the same building. It’s a definite concern and I take measures to protect myself. There’s a lot of fetishes and a lot of kinks out there.
“Usually most people have something they’d like to do because they saw it in a film, on a porn site or read 50 Shades of Gray. Some I wouldn’t do because I don’t consider them safe or sane. Using bodily fluids, that I won’t do, I find that disgusting.
“Then there’s consensual non-consent, or CNC, a kidnap fantasy for example where they want to feel like the experience is real so there’s no safe word to end it.
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“People who play with their partner or spouse would be able to do this because there’s a lot of trust. I won’t do that type of play. It’s not something I feel safe with.
“I work with sex therapists. We do workshops and I host events and it’s mostly through word of mouth. I prefer it that way because the vetting process is easier, it’s almost like a date, I meet them for coffee, like a consultation.
“By definition I’m a sex worker but I don’t have sex with people for money, I help them to have sex with each other. Every so often they’re just looking for an escort to join them, I’m not that.”
Clarity opens up about her work as a dominatrix to Lucy Kennedy for the series Lucy Investigates which starts on Virgin Media One on Monday night. In the eye-opening Sex And The Suburbs episode, the presenter also meets self intimacy coach Viktoria Laszlo who has up to 40 orgasms during sex with her partner.
Clarity brings Lucy to a sex party in a grand old Georgian house in Dublin where the guests are all masked and “consent and personal boundaries are everything”.
She revealed: “The Irish are excellent, they have such lovely manners. I’ve never had to kick anyone out of a sex party here, ever. Occasionally they may get a bit overexcited, but that is it.
“The Irish are well mannered... but pure filth.” A non-practising Catholic, Clarity reckons our fascination with kink stems from the guilt and shame perpetuated by the dogma of the Catholic Church.
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She said: “I have this friend from Offaly dating a local. They won’t buy condoms from the chemist in Offaly in case people know they are having sex.
“They were concerned about what would the neighbours think... there’s still some hangover of shame, yet shame is actually the birthplace of a lot of kink.”
Clarity also reckons the so-called “morality clause” imposed by most employers here – which is unique to Ireland – forces most people to keep their fetishes secret.
She said: “I’ve never seen it in another country. If they find something distasteful they can legally terminate you. Others who might be going through a divorce are worried about it being used as leverage, or if they’re applying for a mortgage.
“I’m hoping the show will help destigmatise the sexual sub culture. I think the more permission we give each other to be ourselves the better for society.”
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