In 2024, on the day of my baby shower, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. This pregnancy was definitely not what I expected—but it was even more special, in a way, that I was able to give my mom so much joy; she was so happy feeling my belly. Her wish was to be here long enough to meet my son. My entire pregnancy was me knowing, inevitably, that I could lose her, but I was optimistic that my mom was going to survive and that she would be here with us a lot longer. I was really hoping for that until the very end.
When I found out I was pregnant, I felt a deeper connection to the baby than I've ever had in my life. For a long time in my life, I’d felt very alone. Growing up, my relationship was strained with both of my parents; I still have a strained relationship with my dad. I've never talked about why and I don't think I ever will. It’s really personal and my mom’s not here to tell her side, so it’s unfair to tell my perspective. A lot of stories about me mention that and I lived in my car for a time as a teenager (I was raised in my mom’s native Alexandria, Virginia and Colombia, where my dad is from) and so what I will say is that no kid is rebellious or doesn't want to go home for no reason. There were a lot of problems at home, but I know now my mom was doing the best she could. She suffered from anxiety, among other things. She had three kids and a job as a secretary. (I used to play secretary when I was little, because I wanted to be like her.) When you become a parent, you have more grace for your parents.
