Jimmy Kimmel
Late-night hosts recapped another day in court for Donald Trump on Tuesday, this time in Washington for a hearing about potential immunity from charges related to his role in fomenting the January 6 riots.
“Trump has spent so much time in court, the sketch artists are running out of orange pastels,” Jimmy Kimmel quipped on Tuesday evening.
Trump’s lawyers have tried to get out of the January 6 charges by claiming presidential immunity. On Tuesday, the judges didn’t seem convinced. Asked whether a president could order US Navy Seals to kill a political rival with immunity, Trump’s head lawyer D John Sauer answered a “qualified yes”.
“If the president can order Seal Team Six to kill a political rival,” said Kimmel, “Trump had better lock the doors at Mar-a-Lago because Bazooka Joe Biden has every reason to blow it to kingdom come.”
In response to his tough day in court, Trump released a video to supporters in which he claimed that “people are angry that I’ve done such a good job”.
“Do you think he actually thinks he did a good job?” Kimmel wondered. “When my son scribbles a circle with a face on it, I say: ‘Good job.’ But even he knows I’m patronizing him, and he’s in kindergarten.”
Stephen Colbert
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert looked into the strange case of an Alaska Airlines flight whose door popped off at 16,000ft. (No one was injured, but certainly people were spooked.)
According to an official report from the National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB), the panel on the plane may not have been properly attached. “Ya think?!” Colbert responded. “It reminds me of the NTSB’s groundbreaking report on the Hindenburg: kaboom!”
The good news, Colbert explained, was that the bolts that should have held the door in place may not have come loose, as previously speculated. The bad news is that it’s possible the bolts were never even installed. “I know that sounds like a major screw-up, but they were just following the instructions: put door on plane, wonder why you have extra bolts, enjoy unlimited leg room,” Colbert joked.
In response to the incident, the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has grounded all 200 Boeing Max 9 planes in the US, saying it could take four to eight hours to inspect each of them.
“I think I speak for all travelers when I say: take your time. Do not rush. Be thorough,” Colbert said.
The incident was bad news for Boeing, whose stock fell 10% this week. “Well, their stock wouldn’t have fallen if they remembered to put the bolts on it!”
It’s also a scandal for Alaska Airlines, which kept the plane in service despite repeated issues with cabin pressure, enough so that the company decided the plane could no longer be used for flights to Hawaii.
“Sure, we wouldn’t want the plane to crash into the ocean,” Colbert deadpanned. “Much safer for it to crash over a densely populated city. Maybe somebody could catch it!”
Seth Meyers
And on Late Night, Seth Meyers touched on Joe Biden’s latest speech blasting Trump for attempting to overturn the election, calling him a “loser”.
“Oh, come on,” said Meyers. “What has Trump ever lost, besides an airline, his hotel, his golf course, the popular vote twice, the electoral vote once, two wives, a casino, most of his hair and his mind?”
In other Trump news, a Jeffrey Epstein accuser claims to have a sex tape of the former president. “I don’t know – I think if there was a sex tape we would’ve seen it by now,” said Meyers. “In a Trump campaign ad.”
Maryland congressman Steny Hoyer announced his plan to run for re-election at the age of 84. “Steny, man, you know you’re old when your name doesn’t even exist anymore,” said Meyers. “It’s like having a congressman named Ramses.”
And in a speech, Pope Francis called for a universal ban on surrogacy because it “exploits” the relationship between a mother and child. “OK, but it seemed to work out for you in the past,” said Meyers over a photo of a Virgin Mary figurine.
