The 49ers need to trade Jimmy Garoppolo ASAP. I can’t take it anymore. The constant speculation and consternation has driven me to a point of extreme agitation.
If I have to hear one more talking head talk about “maybe they’ll just keep him,” (they’re not going to keep him) I’m going to slam my face repeated into the nearest brick wall with a vengeance previously unknown to my face or the wall.
If I have to have one more debate about what his value is on the trade market (FYI WE HAVE NO IDEA), I’m going to walk to Levi’s Stadium, dig a 40-foot hole, climb out and then swan dive into it. There I’ll be buried by a group of people who will all be wearing No. 10 49ers jerseys. Preferably the red 1994 throwbacks because those are impossibly saucy, and if my demise is going to come early at least it’s going to look good.
