Despite women coming in all shapes, sizes, colours and persuasions – culture, religion, race, preferences – we still get criticised if we don’t toe the line.
And as an Asian woman, I get it in the neck from all corners!
I am very lucky to have been given a public platform over the last 20 years, and I have used it to shine a light on what it is like to be a British Asian woman growing up in this country.
And this is where it gets very confusing for many people.
For some in the Asian community, I have made uncomfortable viewing, as I have talked openly and exposed some of the cultural practices that exist behind closed doors that have negatively affected me and many other women like me.
For example, I have discussed forced marriages, hymen reconstruction, “honour” crimes, the dangers of first cousin marriages in Pakistani communities, child marriages, child abuse, and domestic violence.
It is because I talk about these issues in the mainstream that is the problem for both the Asian and non-Asian audiences – for some in the Asian communities they see me as “selling out their own” and non-Asian people see me as fuelling stereotypes... which can lead to racism.
People expect you to be a certain type of Asian woman, and if you don’t fit that mould – like I don’t – then they put you in the “trouble” category.
I have always sensed that as long as I was talking about being a victim of racism, this narrative would have been palatable – I would have been supported more by those who share my skin colour and ethnicity.
But the truth of the matter is, while I have been affected by both verbal and institutional racism, I have been damaged more by the misogyny and patriarchy in the Asian culture I was brought up in.
I do not write these words to bring Asian people down, nor do I want to create stereotypes or fuel hatred and racism – but because I fundamentally believe that it is only by talking about these issues that are wrapped up in guilt and shame that we can start to make positive changes. I have received death threats and abuse because women like me aren’t supposed to be talking about such matters in public.
Even on my social media, if I am in a bikini or underwear, in my gym clothes, I get it from both sides: “What kind of a Muslim are you showing off your body, your family should be ashamed of you,” and the other side who have stereotyped Asian women as submissive, oppressed and covered up.
I do not feel shame or guilt talking about my experiences. I speak out about these things because I love my community and want everyone – especially women and children – in it to benefit from changing the negative aspects. By talking about them, people can help, be aware and empathise.
I’m sorry if there are people on both sides who feel I am not the “right type” of Asian woman.
Actually... I’m not sorry at all!
