It’s important to keep the fire burning in a marriage as it’s no surprise that over time, long-lasting relationships might lose a bit of their initial spark.
Losing the spark was the reason this redditor decided to seek change after nearly two decades of married life. He asked his wife to make their marriage open—a decision he soon came to regret, as the arrangement didn’t work as he likely hoped it would.
It’s not always easy to keep the fire burning in a long-lasting relationship
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After nearly two decades of marriage, this redditor asked his wife for an open relationship
Rawpixel / envato (not the actual photo)
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A third of Americans see open marriage as an acceptable arrangement
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Whether in a marriage or not, maintaining a long-lasting relationship as a couple is a two-person job. As the shade from the rose-tinted glasses starts to fade and the initial flame seems to flicker more and more, both sides might have to put in effort to keep it alive. That’s because at a certain point—which arguably depends on both the length of the relationship and the age of those involved—the relationship tends to hit a low, which can even lead to a breaking point.
A licensed counselor focusing on family life, Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D., pointed out that it’s the decades between the ages of 20 and 40 that are likely to be the most troublesome time in a relationship. The expert also suggested that 40 is the time when people tend to focus more on regrets over certain things in the past, which might include regrets relating to romantic partners.
It’s unclear if the latter had something to do with the OP’s decision to seek an open marriage or it was simply lack of the initial spark that led to such a request. Be that as it may, the redditor is not the only one who finds it to be an acceptable arrangement. Pew Research Center’s 2023 survey found that roughly a third of Americans do (while half of them don’t and 16% remain undecided). The survey also revealed that men seem to be slightly more supportive of open marriages than their female counterparts.
There can be various reasons for couples to opt for a less conventional arrangement in a relationship
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Pew Research Center’s survey also revealed that more than half of respondents believe that people stay in unhappy marriages for too long. Such unhappy unions might be one of the reasons why the number of couples getting married has been on a fluctuating decline over the last three decades.
However, far from every marriage is an unhappy one, as statistics reveal that nearly two-thirds of married Americans report being very content with their relationship. (Just as many of them say that trust is the key element behind a happy marriage.)
Another study of tendencies in regards to commitment and relationships found that roughly two-in-five people would be open to experiment with an open relationship, the Huffington Post reports. It also found that when it comes to global statistics, people in Hungary, Portugal, and Luxembourg seem to be the most prone to commitment, while Latvians line up at the other end of the scale.
According to social psychologist Dr. Justin Lehmiller, less conventional relationship dynamics, such as an open relationship, are likely on the rise because of increased media exposure; nowadays it tends to represent various arrangements with less stigmatization than back in the day.
Another reason for the growing interest in more than just the conventional ways, according to Dr. Lehmiller, is growing expectations for relationships that might become difficult for one partner to meet. “As a result, some are now considering whether the best solution is to have different partners who can meet different needs,” the expert told The Huffington Post.
The OP’s request for him and his wife to have multiple partners backfired rather quickly, as the woman seemingly found quite a few of them, while the redditor struggled with making new romantic connections. That’s why he started regretting his decision, but fellow redditors pointed out he had no one else to blame for the situation but himself.
Fellow redditors shared their honest opinions in the comments
