The way we process emotions and regulate our mood is a series of patterns that starts when we’re young. Dr Alex George’s new book Happy Habits: your guide to feeling happy, calm and confident was written for children to help them master tools to help with this, but the advice inside is relevant for all ages.
Speaking on the Well Enough podcast, George told host Emilie Lavinia: “Every emotional state has its role, and if you think about someone sat in a control room with lots of levers [for] happiness, anger, sadness, guilt, shame, all these different things, those levers all have a job and they all need to work at the right time. But what we don't want is being stuck on sad all the time. We don't want to be stuck on happy all the time either.
“But ultimately, we do want to be in a state where when the time comes that we would normally be happy – maybe on holiday with a group of good people – that we are able to access that feeling. So many people are extremely depressed, they have this kind of anhedonia or this lack of ability to feel that emotion. And that's a scary feeling to have. “
Psychotherapist Anna Mathur joined Dr George on the podcast and reflected on the barriers and catalysts that affect our emotional states. She said: “we can feel so much guilt, can't we? ‘I'm so grateful for being on this holiday but I’m living in a waiting room for bad things to happen’. We're just kind of there in this brace position and wondering why we're not kind of able to lean into the joy and the good things around us. We can see it, but we don't feel it.”
Mathur, the author of The Uncomfortable Truth and The Good Decision Diary explained how we can often mistake a quick hit of dopamine for true happiness and how this can be incredibly confusing for the majority of people.
“We know about the serotonin and the endorphins, the happy hits that make us feel good. But it's so much more than that. There are so many other things in our lives and ultimately, we have to feel safe to feel happy,” she said.
“If you are in that kind of activated nervous system state, the fight or flight or the sympathetic nervous system as we call it, you are braced. We are just waiting for the next curve ball to come and we're questioning, where is the joy, where is the ease? We are stressed and we might not even realise it. And then happiness becomes so much harder to access.”
The pair discussed simple tools for understanding and processing complex emotions and techniques for accessing feelings of safety and joy. Dr George reflected on some of his personal experiences, including his decision to start the #postyourpill movement on social media – a phenomenon that began with a viral photo of his packet of antidepressants.
“Maybe I'm the great oversharer – I guess that's ADHD. It's like, ‘oh god, maybe I shouldn't overshare that much’, he said.
“People look to me and say, you're this mental fitness advocate, you're this mental health campaigner. You therefore should be whole and fixed all the time. But the reason I share is that life is very messy. People are messy. And often the people that seem to have it most together often really don't. I really just wanted to show people real life isn't like that. Unfortunately grief is part of life and that's difficult. Ups and downs, your mental health is inevitable.”
Mathur also spoke candidly about masking emotions, the burden of toxic positivity and her own life behind the scenes. She explained how she now prioritises resting and sees rest as a tool for happiness and resilience, rather than feeling guilty about it.
Reflecting on the advice in his book and Mathur’s suggestions, Dr George said: “I think if I'd have been given even some of those tools and the science of why it happens – cause there is science, this isn't just fluffy stuff, it is hard science – I think a lot of my suffering would've been reduced and I think I probably would've been a lot happier as a child.”
The episode also covered both guests’ wellness tips and non-negotiables such as going for a walk and spending time in nature, and practical tips and tools for regulating mood, supporting child mental health and finding mental health support close to you.
Listen to the episode here and watch the full episode on YouTube. Well Enough is available wherever you get your podcasts.
Take a smarter approach to feeling good. Sign up to the Well Enough newsletter for evidence-based wellness insights.
