If the name Forgiato Blow sounds familiar, it’s probably because he’s the Florida rapper who recently released a full-blown hip-hop ode to certified sucky person Matt Gaetz. Incredibly, however, Blow — the self proclaimed “nephew” of Donald Trump — might have yet another brush with MAGA-fied congressional celebrity in the works thanks to J.R. Majewski, a deeply untalented verbalist who this week somehow became the official GOP nominee to represent Ohio’s 9th District in the United States House of Representatives.
And, look, let me be clear here: When I say “deeply untalented,” I’m not simply trying to score cheap political points because I think Majewski’s policy positions are abhorrent trash (even though they are!). I say it because the man raps like his only exposure to the concept of rhyming comes from Mother Goose stories he read in elementary school, and his delivery is like what happens when you chug a bottle of NyQuil and then deliver a book report in front of your 9th grade class.
I mean, listen to his guest verse on Blow’s 2021 magnum opus “Let’s Go Brandon Save America” and tell me if you think this man has a career in show business ahead of him:
Yes, that’s Majewski at the three-minute mark, spitting lukewarm fire like “Joe is focused on ice cream while he’s crapping his pants // We want our dreams and our freedom, this is our last chance.” If this verse is any indication, the only type of bars this man can drop are the metal ones, and only when they land directly on his head.
If Majewski somehow manages to unseat sitting sitting Democratic Rep. Marcy Kaptur — the House’s longest-serving woman, who’s been in office since 1982 — come election time, he’ll almost certainly find common cause with the furthest-right reaches of the GOP congressional caucus such as Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert, both of whom share his reality-adverse interest in QAnon and similar penchant for lackluster showboating.
And, if he doesn’t get elected in November, well, he can always go back to what he’s good at: painting grass.
