As a billionaire king is crowned, he urges us to do some charity work. Welcome to Britain

‘Asking the rest of us to celebrate his kingship by helping out at the local food bank feels, shall we say, a little ‘let them eat quiche’.’ Photograph: Reuters

Don’t have plans for the coronation bank holiday? Fear not. The king invites you to join the Big Help Out, a national day of volunteering designed to mark the new reign. Or as the Telegraph breathlessly describes it, a “tribute to Charles’s many decades of public service”.

The Big Help Out will, according to the official website, “give everyone an opportunity to join in”. What acts of charity would Buckingham Palace like us to join in with, exactly? Squeezing out toothpaste for an elderly neighbour, perhaps. Or staffing a local art centre (do remember not to take the art home with you).