"All happy families are alike," Leo Tolstoy wrote. "Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Picture-perfect families have parents who love their children unconditionally. Children who visit said parents regularly and do so because they want to. But not all families are perfect. A Cornell University survey revealed in 2020 that 6% of adults say they are estranged from their mothers, and 26% from their fathers.
Family estrangement is, sadly, quite common. But how does it happen? One Redditor was curious to know what made people cut contact with their parents. So they asked: "Those who disowned their parents, what was the final straw?" People had all sorts of stories to share. Some were heartbreaking, others eye-opening.
Bored Panda also got in touch with the person who asked this question. They were kind enough to have a short chat with us about what prompted them to ask other Redditors about their estrangement stories. Read our conversation below!
#1
My mother likes to make me cry. I think it's a control thing, but she always denies it even happens. After going out of her way to make me break down for three birthdays in a row, I asked my father if, just for one year, I could avoid speaking to her for the day. Bear in mind, I live in a different country, so it would just be a case of me not picking up the phone when she called. My father went apes**t. Called me ungrateful, pathetic, a disappointment, etc. Then said his biggest regret was that my s****de attempt failed. All because I wanted a birthday where I didn't cry. I just hung up without saying a word. Blocked their numbers and email addresses, deleted all social media. It's been years, and I'm so grateful he said all those horrible things, because I finally realised how better my life is without them.
Image credits: CrazySnekGirl
The Redditor who posed this question says that it came from their own bad experiences with their family. They decided to limit contact with their parents recently, and that's why they came to find some comfort on Reddit. "There is infighting I feel I'm getting dragged into," the netizen opened up.
In our conversation, they recalled the most recent disagreement they had with their family. "[The] last time my family argued was when I did an interview for my [university magazine], and I just didn't want the drama anymore," the Redditor shared. According to them, the parents often favor their twin brother "who can do no wrong." That's why the Redditor feels like limiting contact is the best course of action for now
#2
My sibling died & in the days leading up to his funeral my mother was so exquisitely awful that I stopped fantasizing about harming her & began fantasizing about my life in prison after her m***er. At one point I was standing behind her at the top of a flight of stairs as she monologued about how everything was my fault. I could have pushed her but instead promised myself that after I made it through the funeral I’d never speak with her again. This year marks a decade since I last spoke with her & my only regret is not cutting her out of my life earlier.
Image credits: ellysay
#3
Image credits: Taehcos
People who have difficult relationships with parents often imagine it would be a relief to cut contact. In this Redditor's case, they say it doesn't actually make them feel that much better. "I feel less pressure to be someone else but not better," they admit.
At the moment, their way of dealing with the family drama is to keep busy. "I just throw myself into my studies and my friends," the netizen tells Bored Panda. They also find that reading similar stories helps, as they feel relatable and provide some perspective. "It made me realize parents aren't perfect," the Redditor says.
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#6
Mother was career-oriented. I traveled 15 hours by Greyhound bus back to Illinois to help her finish up some roofing jobs still incomplete. She intentionally got in a fight with me at the bus station after the jobs were done, didn’t get me a ticket back, and ghosted me on $2,500. I had maybe $30 to my name at the time. Then she shut off my cell phone immediately after driving away. Had to walk about five miles to a friends house. He and a few of my other friends drove me back down to Alabama that night. Never spoke to her again.
Image credits: missuz-featherbottom
In a previous interview for Bored Panda, Clinical Psychologist and Family Estrangement Expert Karl Melvin explained that cutting off family members is taboo for some people because society at large considers family deeply important. That's why even extended family members might pressure people to reconcile.
But that can only have the opposite effect. "Many estranged people feel the need to hold onto the past to mitigate against bowing to any pressure," Melvin explained. "A reconciliation is a deeply personal choice; a forced or pressurized reconciliation may do more harm than good."
"Part of the challenge is understanding that not everyone has the same concept of what reconciliation is," he added. "Some view it as a continuation of the old relationship as opposed to a genuine effort to reflect on mistakes made and work toward creating a more respectful and healthier relationship."
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She stole my student loan money. I worked so hard to get into college and have a full scholarship, and she stole my room and board and book money. It made the first year of college damn near impossible, which kinda set the tone for the next 3.
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#32
When they threatened to ruin my job and prevent my employment by lying and staged an intervention to coerce me into corroborating their BS. No contact going on 7 years and it’s never been better.
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