Menopause can be a very difficult time in a woman's life, it can go on for years and it is often hard for women to find the support they need as they go through this life transition. Women can quite often be left feeling like they want more in life or have a gap that they need filling, especially if they have children who have flown the nest.
And one devastated woman has been consoled by people on the internet after admitting she had an affair, which she claims was partially caused by her menopause, destroying her marriage of 25 years. The divorcee, who is now in her 50's, detailed her experience to users of popular forum Mumsnet, saying she 'wanted to get her head straight.'
Headlining the post 'The outcome of my affair' the woman explained that two years ago she started engaging in an affair because she thought that she was bored with her life after her two adult children had left home. She found herself being 'swept off her feet' by a new person and left her husband of 25 years for him.
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She said that, now she has reflected on her behaviour, she was suffering with undiagnosed effects of the menopause that changed her as a person. She wrote: "Post treatment (HRT amongst other things) I am mostly back to what I was before.
"The new relationship ended as on reflection it was never what I really wanted or needed. Without excusing my behaviour the acts, the impulses and behaviour was not the real me. However I do take full responsibility."
Her children were left 'traumatised' at the time, but she says that they have not adjusted and moved on with their own adult lives. But her husband was left devastated by her behaviour.
Despite his hurt, she says that he "behaved impeccably" during their divorce adding it was "probably to protect the DC, and we split without rancour." Her ex-husband moved away last month, after living locally the last few year, as part of his retirement plans to live by the coast.
The woman said: "The problem I have is that I still love my xDH (ex-Dear Husband) and miss him terribly. We have continued to meet as a family and over the last 9 months or so I have realised he is the good man he always was, funny, respectful, kind etc. He even helped me financially when I split with my affair partner.
"I am not seeking sympathy, however I realise the menopause has screwed my life and that I have thrown away the future that I should have had. I also realise I have caused the man I love a huge amount of pain that he did not deserve."
Taking to the comments, hundreds of women comforted the woman and shared that they had had similar thoughts during their own menopauses'. One person said: "That is very sad. Is there no chance of a reconciliation with your husband? On the plus side, you're still relatively young and can make a new life for yourself."
Another added: "That's really sad op , and I wonder how many women realise that this is a behaviour explained by menopause. You've explained, you can't keep apologising and you can't undo what happened. Focus on making sure you are okay."
"This is so sad, and I'm not condoning what you done at all. It's good you've taken responsibility for it. I can relate in terms of menopause. I've been in conflict with myself for quite sometime about ending my marriage. We struggle slightly, mainly with stresses in life, and he is by no means horrible but I feel done. I worry that I'll regret it though, just like you've found, and that I'm not being rational, even if I think I am", a third contributed.
And a fourth confirmed that the menopause can change you: "For some women the menopause is totally brutal. My friend went through a very tough menopause at an early age and was actually diagnosed with manic depression (and medicated for a number of years) before a doctor suggest that it could be menopause. Hrt has her back to her old self. So I can completely believe that the menopause can cause some women to act completely put of character."
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