As an introvert, there’s nothing worse to me than guests who come unannounced. It’s especially unnerving when people who know me do this: family members, good friends, or even old acquaintances.
For this woman, it was her MIL who used to show up uninvited at her and her husband’s house. After one particular time, when the MIL brought a guest who was a complete stranger to the couple and proceeded to have lunch, the DIL decided she’d had enough. She blasted her MIL online and asked whether she was overreacting.
To learn more about how the woman could’ve handled the uninvited guests, Bored Panda reached out to Nikesha Tannehill Tyson, an etiquette expert at The Swann School of Protocol and author of Going Public: Culture, Custom, and Class for Social Success. She kindly agreed to tell us whether it’s appropriate to show up at a family member’s house unannounced and how to politely signal the end of a guest’s visit.
A mother-in-law kept coming unannounced to this couple’s house and even brought a guest one time
Image credits: raul-mellado / Freepik (not the actual)
The daughter-in-law was getting tired of this behavior and decided to call her out online
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: CoffeeBean_1226
Instead of showing up unannounced, even family members should give a heads-up
People don’t like uninvited guests. A survey by OnePoll conducted in 2023 revealed that people consider guests who show up unannounced rude and inconsiderate. 37% of the respondents also thought that in-laws are one of the top three offenders when it comes to the worst guests.
The mother in this story might think there’s nothing wrong with her behavior; she’s just coming to visit her beloved son and his wife. If her friend is allowed to show up unannounced at her children’s homes and even has house keys, surely, there’s nothing wrong with what she is doing?
However, etiquette tells us otherwise. Etiquette expert Nikesh Tannehill Tyson with The Swann School of Protocol tells Bored Panda that whether in interactions with family or other people, three core values of etiquette should be at the forefront: respect, honesty, and consideration. “You may think an unannounced visit is okay; however, a heads-up is definitely considerate and would be appreciated,” she says.
“An unplanned visit can really be an inconvenience by impeding the plans or routine for the day. Communicate with friends and family so their visit can be planned, making for an enjoyable experience,” she recommends.
“Bringing unexpected guests (including pets) is poor guest etiquette and is inconsiderate. Guests, even family, should not assume they can bring additional people or fur babies without asking in advance,” Tannehill Tyson explains.
“Be honest and let them know you are not prepared for a visit,” etiquette expert Nikesha Tynnehill Tyson says
Image credits: diana.grytsku / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The OP chose not to say anything to her MIL in this story. Whether that’s because she didn’t have time to consider a response due to shock or was afraid of insulting her mother-in-law, she didn’t explicitly tell her MIL that she and her husband would prefer she not impose on them like this.
Tannehill Tyson says that communicating your boundaries to unwanted guests is very important. And it doesn’t necessarily have to end in an unpleasant confrontation.
“Etiquette is all about putting others at ease, it is possible to be polite while setting boundaries,” she explains. “When a guest shows up unannounced, and it is inconvenient, be honest and let them know you are not prepared for a visit and would like a text or phone call in advance,” Tannehill Tyson suggests.
“So, you’re off the hook, no need to hide, pretending you are not home. Be confident and set those boundaries, politely. Keep in mind, there are individuals who grew up where unannounced visits were both acceptable and encouraged,” she reminds us. “Be a gracious guest by giving a heads-up so they can prepare for your visit.”
When you think the guest has overstayed their welcome, there are also polite ways to signal to them that they should leave. “Simply communicate how you appreciate the visit, wonderful conversation and you look forward to the next visit,” the etiquette expert explains.
She gives a possible script: “‘I have certainly enjoyed your company and look forward to the next time.’ Establish the visit time from the beginning: ‘It’s so great to see you, I will have to end our visit by 4:30 PM today,'” Tannehill Tyson suggests. “Or ‘I’m so glad we could connect today! I’m available until lunchtime today.’ There is no need to give a reason for the time limit unless you choose to do so.”
People advised the woman to be curt with her MIL and stop indulging her unwanted visits
