A woman who lost her husband aged 49 has launched a dating app for widows hoping to find love again - and you have to provide a death certificate to get on. Nicky Wake, 51, lost her husband Andy, 57, in 2020 to covid after he was put into a care home in 2017 after a catastrophic brain injury.
The entrepreneur said dating again after being widowed was like the "wild west" and it was hard for people to understand what she was going through. Nicky said she experienced unsolicited pictures, went on dates then realised the men were married and almost went out with a man with a criminal record.
Fed up, she launched app Chapter Two in November - and already has thousands of widows and widowers looking for a second chance at love. You have to be a bereaved husband or wife to use the site and subscribers have to submit a memorialised Facebook account of their late spouse or copy of the death certificate to use the app.
Nicky from Bury, Greater Manchester, said: "I started dating again when I felt strong enough. I met Andy online but modern online dating had changed hugely.
"Back in the day there were no d*** pictures or ghosting. Modern-day dating is like the wild west, and as a widow, I was extremely vulnerable and a little bit broken which is hard to explain to someone who is looking for a hook-up.
"I thought there has to be a better way. I checked and there wasn't an app for widows.
"There was nothing authentic and genuine - there was nothing that has the security that we have around it. I was online dating and I was part of a widow charity and all of a sudden I thought 'there has to be a better way than this'.
"When I go to widow meet-ups the conversation often turns to 'have you started dating again' and people meet each other through widow meet-ups and I thought there was an idea here. I checked and there wasn't an app for widows, there was nothing authentic and genuine, there was nothing that has the security that we have around it.
"I came up with the idea. Within the widow community the phrase 'chapter two' means your next person."
Nicky and Andy met in 2002 on DatingDirect.com and clicked instantly with each other - marrying two years later in 2004 in Jamaica.
They welcomed son Finn, now 15, in 2007. Nicky said: "We were living an idyllic happy life, doing awards all around the world.
"He was a wonderful stay-at-home dad and did all the school walks and all the cooking. He looked after me and made sure I could run our business Don't Panic Events and everything was absolutely idyllic."
In July 2017, Nicky was away for work, but after phoning home realised Andy was being very quiet on the phone and she didn't know what was wrong. When she returned home, Andy told Nicky that he had been having chest pains, but was reluctant to go to the doctors.
Nicky dragged Andy "kicking and screaming" and he was told he had suffered a heart attack. He was blue-lighted to the hospital and received treatment and Nicky and Andy felt like they had a lucky escape.
Four days later, Andy suffered another heart attack and Nicky had to perform CPR for 30 minutes. Andy suffered a "catastrophic" brain injury because he didn't get enough oxygen to his brain and then required around-the-clock care.
Nicky said: "He couldn't walk, he didn't know who I was, and he didn't know where he was. He was hugely distressed and didn't understand why or anything.
"He couldn't vocalise at first. Very often he didn't have a clue who I was when I came to visit which is utterly heartbreaking; he wasn't the man I married at that point."
Andy was in a care home for three years. "Unfortunately covid took him in 2020 and we lost him at that point," she said.
"Now it was about me trying to rebuild my life. I had to build a whole new relationship with Finn and run a business - it was some of the darkest periods of my life.
"When we lost Andy, I did bereavement counselling and got signposted to an amazing charity called Widowed and Young - WAY - and I found a whole new network of friends and peer support through that which was incredibly helpful."
Nicky started dating and realised it didn't work for her as a widow. She said: "There were far too many married men, I had a run of dates where I discovered they were married or separated from their partner but still married.
"I always do due diligence when dating, I try to get their full names and google them and one of them had a criminal record. Then there is the usual, people sending you unsolicited dick pictures, having dates with the most boring men in the world.
"There are genuine quality men in the world but it is so hard to find them - you have to kiss many frogs. The thing is for widows, we didn't choose this, we didn't leave our partner, we have been left in this situation, not out of our choosing which makes it doubly hard."
Chapter Two launched in November 2022. Nicky said: "We have made the platform really safe and secure, to sign up you either need a memorialised Facebook account of your late spouse or you need to send a copy of the death certificate and I personally vet every single member.
"The initial response has been absolutely incredible. Everyone in the community is grateful for this safe space where they can date without anyone knowing they are dating.
"One of the hardest things about being a widow is how and when do you tell your friends and family that you are - it can be hugely upsetting. I am thrilled to bits with the response.
"I think if I can help some people find some joy, that helps me make sense of my loss. It has definitely helped me, it has given me a reason for living, and it has given me my next chapter.
"It has given me a reason to get up in the morning and a reason to be."
