A bad relationship can really affect your mental health, but a toxic ex can make it even worse by continuing to ruin your life. Some former partners just can’t seem to let go and think it’s okay to take out their anger on the person they previously dated. This can quickly become problematic if kids are involved in the drama.
A woman found herself caught up in a situation like this because of her husband’s crazy ex. It started with a few problems and then quickly turned into a dangerous and worrisome situation.
More info: Mumsnet
Dealing with your own exes is enough to make you go crazy, but having to also handle your partner’s weird exes is just the worst
The woman shared that her husband’s ex had mental health problems that had caused their relationship to end, but for a couple of years after, she had seemed to calm down
The poster noticed that the other woman’s behavior has turned abusive and manipulative in the last two years since she kept sending inappropriate messages to her child and ex
The horrible ex even started a fraudulent case against the couple that made them liable to pay her huge sums in child support
The woman feels that they should report her husband’s crazy ex to the police, but he keeps refusing because he feels it would have a negative impact on his kid
An unhinged ex can really make life difficult, and this is exactly what has happened to the couple. Instead of being able to find a solution to this problem, they have begun turning on each other and arguing about everything. The poster also feels anxious and upset a lot because of the stress of dealing with someone who keeps creating chaos for her family.
It might seem tough to silence outside pressures and focus on your relationship, but that is exactly what experts advise. It’s important that you don’t forget your connection with your partner and try to consciously create joyful moments like having date nights or playing games. Even conspiring about how to deal with the ex can be a point of connection.
To get an expert’s opinion on this, Bored Panda contacted Dr. Rachel Glik. She is a licensed professional counselor with thirty-plus years of experience working with couples, individuals, and families. Since 2014, she has appeared regularly on Fox 2 in St. Louis as a relationship and mental health expert.
Dr. Rachel is also a featured author for Mind Body Green and a subject expert for many media outlets. Apart from all that, she also creates workshops for several organizations. She told us that “the most important thing is for the new partner and their spouse to be unified and for the new partner to feel she is the husband’s top priority.”
The only thing is, the other woman isn’t your run-of-the-mill insane ex; she has taken things to a whole other level. She keeps sending disturbing texts to her child and ex-husband. Apart from that, she has been turning her kid against the couple and also spreading rumors about them. The last straw was filing a case against them and forcing them to pay her child maintenance.
When dealing with scary situations like this, lawyers state that it’s best to document every interaction with the person causing the problems. Having a paper trail can help if you later take the individual to court. If you meet up with them in person, try taking a witness along who can record their conduct or observe their behavior.
Aside from the legal route, Dr. Rachel also said that “the husband holds most of the responsibility for navigating this difficult dynamic. This could mean seeking a counselor who specializes in blended families and being willing to form creative workarounds that keep communication limited.”
“I knew of one family who would only allow fax communication because any other form was too much of a disruption.” She also clarified that “the responsibility is not solely on the new partner to establish healthy boundaries with the ex, but also and most importantly on the partner who shares children with this ex who is having trouble moving forward.”
The OP has reached the end of her tether and wants to involve authorities so that they can deal with her husband’s deranged ex. The only problem is that her husband doesn’t want to take any legal action. He feels that reporting her would ultimately affect his kid, who would later hate him for doing so.
The issue is that the child is already being negatively affected by his mom’s manipulation and foul text messages. Kids should not be brought into hostile situations like this. It’s instead important to speak openly about the conflict with the child and understand their feelings about it without badmouthing your former partner.
Due to the intensity of the situation, Dr. Rachel said: “I would recommend that the parents who are now divorced seek counseling for the sake of the child; however, from the sound of things, the ex might have resistance to this plan.”
Rather than taking a backseat and trying to ignore the drama, the man could be proactive and calmly discuss things with her. It’s hard to set boundaries, especially when the situation has already gotten so out of control, but it’s important to start somewhere.
Dr. Rachel Glik also shared important advice for the OP. She said that “ideally, the new partner and the ex could find common ground and mutual respect. The new partner could attempt to reach out as a friendly gesture to create an environment of care and goodwill. The new partner can only do her best here.”
“I recommend that the new partner focus on her own growth opportunity this challenge is presenting her and to do everything she can to see that the ex’s behavior is not personal. It’s merely a reflection of the ex’s pain and perhaps earlier loss and trauma that she doesn’t know how to navigate or regulate.”
“If the environment of negativity persists then sometimes a more drastic shift needs to happen, which could mean the husband needs to become more involved. I also hope that the child has a chance to receive support through counseling to help navigate their own feelings and build a sense of self outside of the parents’ struggles and behavior,” she shared.
It would be great if the toxicity of a bad relationship could end as soon as people break up, but unfortunately, that isn’t always the case. This story shows how extreme dealing with certain exes can be and how dangerous things can truly get.
What do you think would be the best way to handle a crazy ex like this? Share your thoughts and stories if you’ve experienced something similar (hopefully not as extreme).
Netizens advised the poster not to wait any longer and to take legal action against the woman; they also questioned why the husband is being so lax about it all
