30 ROCK COLD OPEN: Liz Lemon and Tracy Jordan are sitting courtside for Game 5 of the Knicks-Hawks first-round playoff series at Madison Square Garden. Lemon notices that Timothée Chalamet is man-spreading next to her but doesn’t know how to politely tell him to close his legs and thinks he may be extra sensitive after losing out on an Oscar. Jenna Maroney, threatened by Kylie Jenner’s looks and fame, signs up to perform the national anthem before the game and tries to sing her own Fergie-inspired take on it. After Jordan has a chat with Ben Stiller, whom he seriously believes is Derek Zoolander, he realizes he has a new lifelong dream: To become a male model. All the while, Jack Donaghy is watching the game from his private suite, and he overhears Adam Silver discussing anti-tanking proposals; he scoffs, sips his scotch and thinks about all the ways he could ruin the NBA for good.
None of that actually happened in 30 Rock, but it sure would be fun if it did.
