As such, that’s us, but do join the great Rob Smyth for Spurs v Newcastle. Otherwise, enjoy the rest of the weekend. Love.
And here’s Jonathan Wilson’s match report.
In the WSL, Arsenal put behind them the disappointment of Champions League elimination by Wolfsburg to wipe the floor with Leicester.
“As a Liverpool fan I completely support Mary Waltz attitude when it comes to keeping Lampard for a year or two, snarks Espen Bommen. “As to not knowing if he’s a good manager or not … obviously things can turn around for him but when you look at the virtually instant transformation of Chelsea after they sacked him, and Everton’s form after he took over, it’s not looking good for him, is it?”
Hard to argue with this. Him getting the Chelsea job after not doing especially well with Derby was football privilege at its best, and I’ve not a clue what anyone at Everton saw to think he was the man to make them semi-good again. He’s young enough and smart enough to learn, but if he’s not careful, by the time he does he’ll have lost all his credit.
Bowen is pleased to back and with his goal – “what you want innit”. West Ham knew Everton would come out hard after half-time, praising the mentality of the group for finding a winner so soon. When the rebound fell to him, he was thinking “don’t miss, don’t miss” and is looking forward to the rest of the season.
“Are there three teams worse? wonders Norrie Hernon. “I’m not sure there are. Watford have been impressive lately, but just lacked the wee bit of luck that Leeds and Brentford have had; Burnley are Burnley, and better and more experienced at all this than Everton. I think they’re in massive trouble.”
No one sensible would disagree with that final point, but points on the board might just save them – especially if they can avoid defeat on Wednesday. Watford’s run-in isn’t much friendlier than theirs.
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“What were Everton doing lofting the ball long and high into the West Ham centre backs,” says Noel Fitzpatrick. “After Calvert-Lewin had gone off? Clueless!”
Desperation innit. They don’t have a method on which to rely, so take easy options.
I didn’t have time to note it during the game, but just before the end, Andy Hinchcliffe gave man of the match to Antonio. That’s a more sensible choice than Dawson, but as I said, I’d’ve gone Bowen.
Full-time: West Ham United 2-1 Everton
Six defeats in eight for Everton under Lampard; they’re still fourth-bottom, while West Ham move past Spurs and Man United into fifth.
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90+5 min The ball comes in, and someone - Godfrey I think – heads over the top.
90+4 min With Richarlison lying prostate on the ground, Cresswell lashes the ball away, knowing he’s either doing so into the man, or missing and catching the man. It’s a bit of both, as it turns out, and he’s lucky to only see yellow. Free-kick Everton, and up comes Pickford...
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90+3 min “Curious what David Moyes must make of the current state and plight of Everton given how far they’ve fallen from his tenure,” says Thomas Stratford.
I was actually at moyes’ last game as Man United manager, during which the whole of Goodison sung “Stuck with Moyes, stuck with Moyes, Man United”. He’ll be ok, I imagine.
90+1 min Craig Dawson is named man of the match; no one’s really stood out, but I’d’ve gone for Bowen.
90 min There’ll be four added minutes.
90 min Lovely from Everton, Gordon into Iwobi and nashing down the line to collects a return. But when he comes to dig out a cross, he can’t pick out a man, and West Ham clear.
89 min It’s been quite some time since Everton threatened. They’ve not been that bad today – nowhere near as bad as they were at Palace – but they don’t really know what they’re doing, nor look like they’ve got the goals to save themselves. If they get out of this, it’ll be because there were three teams even worse.
87 min “It’s almost like the Lampardian strategy of blaming everything on his players’ individual errors isn’t stopping the individual errors,” says Jon Collin. “Who knew?”
I guess he did that more because he needed to inspire a reaction that blame someone other than him. I’d also imagine he tried various other methods too, and though I’m far from sure he’s good at this management thing, we can’t really blame him for this mess.
86 min “Re: min 47 and who might’ve made them better,” emails Russell Yong, “the answer is it could have been anyone from the last nine years. If any club should have learned the value of sticking by a manager, it’s Everton. Moyes’s first few years saw some wild swings including finishing 17th the season after finishing 7th, and fluctuating anywhere between 4th and 11th for the rest of his tenure. The lesson should have been that fortunes may fluctuate in the short-term but showing some faith in the name of trust and respecting a plan is better than acting on impulse. Instead Everton have fired every manager who went through some bad form and forced the next manager to rescue them, then cobble together a squad with their own signings.
This is the lack of coherence that people really mean. It’s not the signings themselves; though many were duds, every manager signs duds; most of these players are perfectly decent and, if so many look terrible, it’s worth asking why rather than just dismissing them as terrible players. Spare a thought for Seamus Coleman, who has played under nine different managers. The immortal Yes Minister speech about being a Keynesian and a Friedmanite, a grammar school preserver and destroyer, a nationalisation freak and a privatisation maniac, and above all, a “stark, staring, raving schizophrenic” comes to mind. We will obviously never know if any of those managers could’ve been saviours or the one to take Everton down, but firing them at the first sign of trouble is, in hindsight, the least coherent alternative they could’ve had.”
84 min A poor pass puts leaves Holgate stranded, so when Fornals bursts onto it, he has no chocie but to yank him down. He’s booked.
83 min Antonio has been decent today and he pulls left, finding himself level with Everton’s defensive line and just sticking the ball into the space behind it, putting himself in a race with Godfrey. But the defender races back and right when a shot is imminent, he slides in from the wrong side and with the wrong foot to keep Everton in the game. Brilliant challenge.
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82 min West Ham send on Yarmolenko for Benrahma.
82 min Nice from Antonio who, collecting possession inside the box, picks a really nice ball for Fornals, down its right ... only for him to shank a shot over the top.
80 min Rice pops up down the left and though he can’t quite get hold of the ball, the fact that he’s even out there tells us lots about him - that we already knew. He’s got a huge game on Thursday but he’s still running about like billy-o to win this one; he reminds me of Gary Nevile’s line about playing with Carrick and Scholes - it’s relaxing, because you know people are minding the back door.
79 min Calvert-Lewin did a sit and chuck training top to floor, which really taught it.
78 min Change for Everton, Gordon – who’s been impressive when I’ve seen him – replacing Calvert-Lewin, who hasn’t.
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77 min Also in London, it’s the final of the boat race – Oxford and Cambridge made it yet again. Some run, this; Brian Clough would be delighted.
77 min This afternoon’s second Premier League game kicks-off in under an hour; follow all the buildup with Rob Smyth.
75 min On Wednesday night Everton travel to Burnley, who are four points behind them in the table. Lose that, and their fans really will start to believe.
74 min Richarlison has been Everton’s best player today and he wins a corner off Noble which Gray takes short, Iwobi playing him back in down the line ... and he’s offside! The only thing more anger-inducing than that is a foul throw, and on the touchline, Lampard is disgusted.
73 min And still, Dele Alli sits on the bench.
72 min As a frequent contributor to these MBMs” says Richard Harris, “I feel I must offer Mary Waltz some words of comfort. Everton have a guaranteed three points next Saturday when Manchester United visit Goodison, and there are three teams even worse than they are who will be heading for the Championship. My advice would be a self-imposed media blackout until the end of May and then tune in to see who the Toffees are hoping to sign in the summer for the new PL campaign.”
That sounds like good advice, until the last bit.
71 min Mark Noble comes on for his 401st West Ham appearance; he replaces Bowen, who did as well as Moyes would’ve hoped. That’s still bad news for Everton, though, who now have to find an equaliser with 10 men and against a packed midfield.
69 min “My theory on the ;fire the manger’ quick-fix solution,” emails Mary Waltz. “Keep Lampard for a year or two. Is he a good manager? I have no idea. But at least the players would know they have to listen to him.”
As we’re seeing at Old Trafford, that is definitely a helpful state of affairs. I did, though, think Lampard was a strange appointment – his work at Derby and Chelsea did not speak well of him. If they go down, he can’t survive, but even if they stay up, I’m not sure what he’s bringing to things.
67 min Holgate is now centre-back in what I imagine is a 4-3-2.
67 min Cresswell with the free-kick, 25 yards out but more central, and again he goes for the near corner with the swerve, but this time it drifts just wide.
Everton have Michael Keane sent off!
65 min This is getting tasty and Keane slides in late on Antonio, applying studs to metatarsal; he knows it’s a second yellow.
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64 min It’s really stretched now, Dawson clattering Richarlison 40 yards out. Can Gray, who’s been quiet, find a telling delivery given a straight angle? Er, no.
63 min Everton are back in the ascendancy, but there aren’t many teams better able to punish them on the counter than West Ham.
62 min “Another reason for Everton’s demise,” reckons Yashu Gupta, “is them signing Arsenal flops like Walcott, Iwobi”.
I liked the looiks of Iwobi when he broke through – his ball-carrying was excellent – but yeah, he doesn’t seem much better now than he did then.
61 min Calvert-Lewin jinks towards the box – again, Fredericks is out of position – and again, he times his redemptive intervention perfectly, sliding in to make the challenge. It looks like a foul on first viewing, but the replys show that it was just a fine tackle.
GOAL! West Ham United 2-1 Everton (59 min )
While the going was good! Iwobi allows a simple square pass under his studs, Fornals rolls an instapass into the path of Antonio, and when Pickford comes out to pary his shot – the touch before it was a little heavy – the ball rebounds into the path of the onrushing Bowen, of course it does, who sidefoots into an empty net! Everton are back in the muck!
58 min Everton, on the other hand, are trying to make their point while the going’s good.
56 min Just before the goal, Moyes was on the touchline imploring his players to lift it. I daresay they’ll be hearing from him if they don’t improve, quicksmart.
55 min I can’t lie, when I talked about words of half-time inspiration from Lampard, I was joking. But credit where it’s due, his team have come out and got after it.
GOAL! West Ham United 1-1 Everton (Holgate 54)
Fabianski flappyhandskis the corner away but not far, so Richarlison tips it back to Holgate, near the edge of the box. He adjusts feet and eyes really well to get knee over the ball, slicing across it too ... but it’s the flick off Cresswell that takes it in into the far corner! Everton have their first away goal of 2022 and what a time to get it!
53 min Everton have started the half the better and though my SkyGo crashes, it returns in time for me to learn that Richarlison has forced a corner.
52 min Calvert-Lewin catches Soucek in the phizog with a flailing arm, but he’ll be fine.
51 min Rice flicks a ball off blind and Iwobi pounces, sticking a decent pass in behind for Calvert-Lewin. It’s not an easy chance or anything like it, but the finish is the kind you expect from someone with just one open-play goal since the opening day, and he rifles over the top and then some.
48 min In comms, they were saying that Evrton are trying their best, but the lack of quality is a problem; I’d say that it’s more a lack of conviction. They are trying, but there’s an intensity that comes with feeling confident in what you’re doing, and that’s what’s missing, I think.
47 min “Another reason for the Everton slide into oblivion,” returns Mary Waltz. “The constant manager carousel.”
Yes, although who might they have retained who’d have made things better?
46 min No changes for either side, but I doubt Lampard will give it long.
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46 min We go again!
Our players are back with us...
Half-time entertainment: happier times for the Ev, when they met West Ham in september 1960.
Half-time: West Ham United 1-0 Everton
Everton started OK, but as happens so often when a team is struggling, as soon as things went against them, they slipped.
45+1 min Everton are hanging on here, Pickford fumbling when Benrahma’s cross is deflected. They need half-time, and Lampard’s words of inspiration.
45 min There’ll be two added minutes.
45 min Back to Everton in the 80s, their run of kits, home and away, is one of the greats.
44 min Fornals clips a decent pass infield for Benraham who does likewise in behind, first-time for Antonio. He barrels onto the ball and bursts around Pickford ... but it runs away from him and he can only swivel into the side-netting.
42 min “What went wrong with Everton in the last 35 years?” begins Bogdan Kotarlic. “As an Everton fan, I would say pretty much everything. The signings were wrong, the choices of the managers were bad, the people who have run the club didn’t know what our goal really is, the fans have been confused where should we be in the Premier League (is it fourth or sixth or eighth or tenth). Bad times for our club, we are, for Christ’s sake, trophyless in the last 27 years!”
Oh go on then, by way of cheer, he’s me talking to Andy Burnham about the 1995 FA Cup final.
40 min Again, Fredericks is caught napping as Richarlison nashes in behind – Everton need to milk that line of attack – and takes a long diag in stride! But with the defender closing in, he opts to use his right foot for a shot that’s really a left-footed, curling a rise with the outside of his boot that flots just over the top.
40 min Everton win a corner down the left and Gray looks for Calvert-Lewin at the back post, but though he wins the header, Dawson s up next to clear.
39 min We get a sight of the lesser-spotted stud-spanner, when Keane pops off for running repairs; he’s back now, and looks forward to applying his dubbin later on.
39 min On behalf of Manchester United fans, can someone please try that on Old Trafford.
38 min As we were saying in the preamble...
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36 min Don’t worry, I’m only joking – I don’t think “it’s one of those” is descriptive enough to deploy and depart. But it’s one of those you knew there was only one place it could go, it went there, and the keeper was still powerless to prevent the goal.
35 min Looking at the goal again, it’s not quite Bale-level – the angle for that was tighter and, given the circumstances, for my money it’s one of the best that’s ever been scored – but it was one of those.
34 min Fornals steps over and as the ball runs through, Keane tries to go circumnavigate Antonio to get to the ball first; he’s spun as you’d expect, so administers the foul you’d expect, to receive the booking he expected.
WHAT A GOAL! West Ham United 1-0 Everton (Cresswell 32)
Cresswell almost dislocates his standing ankle, spinning a dipper over the near side of the wall, just under the bar, and into the vicinity of the top corner! He races off towards the away fans, cupping ears, and Everton are in all sorts!
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31 min A kindly bounce of the ball allows Bowen to shift it, looking to shoot or thread a through-pass, so Holgate knocks him over and West Ham have a free-kick 25 yards out, right of centre. Cresswell will fancy this one...
29 min But this is more like it, Iwobi sliding an excellent ball in behind for Richarlison while Fredericks snoozes! He’s in, and nips arouns Fabianski! But have a look at Fredericks, whose recovery pace gets him back in, then allows him to bring the ball away easily enough.
28 min There’s not loads going on here, so a question: why do we think things went bad for Everton so quickly post-1987? Heysel was obviously key, likewise money psent on players not as good as the ones they ha previously.
26 min It’s just so strange how it’s gone for Alli. When he broke through, what was great about him wasn’t just his ability, but his attitude – he played with attitude and edge, like he loved competing and loved the game. Those aren’t qualities you often see someone lose.
24 min “Looks like Everton have a keen eye on the Dele terms of sale from Spurs,” says Simon Pennington. “If it means you don’t play him, why bother?”
From the otuside, it’s hard to know what’s what, but I’d be surprised if, with survival in the balance, they’d tell the manager not to pick someone to avoid having to pay a few quid. But it is a worry that Lampard first preferred to pick someone who’s only at the club on loan then, when he got hurt, preferred a defender in midfield.
22 min Rice finds Benrahma, whose cross is blocked by Doucoure, so Rice goes again and Everton clear.
21 min Richarlison is playing off the left, I think, which seems a bit of a waste to me. He needs to be closer to Calvert-Lewin, with Iwobi, who seems to be in behind, on the flank.
19 min Everton have had 70% possession the last five minutes. They’ve yet to make Fabianski make a save, but they’re playing with decent intensity and intent.
17 min Everton are looking to attack here, splitting centre-backs when playing out, and they move the ball through midfield then Richarlison sticks a reverse-pass in behind for Calvert-Lewin; again, Zouma is quick to get back, the reactions of a cat, to block behind. The resultant corner comes to nowt.
15 min Holgate is fine, must be the inspirational pep talk he got off the ref.
14 min Holgate is down, having bits of sock cut by the physio, and enjoys a smile with Michael Oliver, the Roger Milford of our time. He liked a laugh and joke just like the next man, he did, just one of the lads.
13 min Nice from West Ham, Antonio pulling left, and when the ball makes its way over the other side to Bowen, he finds Benrahma, who sticks a clever ball into the box to meet the run of Fornals. But his first touch is heavy, Pickford advances, and a slide-tackle resolves the situation.
11 min The corner is cleared as far as Bowen who, under no pressure, takes a touch, has a look, and drags a shot straight at Pickford. Either side of him, though, and he’s in trouble; Holgate has to do better closing down.
10 min Richarlison gives it away to Bowen out on the right and one firm pass, punched into Antonio, and he’s into the box! He ducks inside Keane, looks to curl for the top corner, but Keane responds well to block behind.
10 min Holgate is playing in front of the back four, with Docoure pushed foruther forward.
9 min Iwobi dinks a ball into the box for Calvert-Lewin but Zouma does really well to get goalside, positioning himself where the ball will drop to win the header.
8 min Kenny crosses from the right and Richarlison flips into a scissors-kick, but his effort, though decent, flies straight into the nearest defender. Rice then sets a counter away, and though it comes to nothing, he seems to be fine.
7 min Gray picks up possession and drives at the heart of the West Ham defence. But he’s not got many options, allowing Rice to slide in from behind and poke the ball away from him ... though has he hurt himself in the process? He did appear to, but is still moving well enough.
5 min Fredericks flies down the right, plays a one-two off Bowen and clips back a decent cross for Fornals, peeling away. But Keane does well to block a shot that would’ve tested Pickford. West Ham are into stride.
4 min Van de Beek has thigh-knack. Maybe it’s RSI from all that time sitting and getting up off the bench, then sitting on it again.
3 min A ball down the left seeks Antonio, but Keane sees him away. I learnt this week that Antonio is 32 – I thought he was younger and was looking for him to improve, but I guess that’s unlikely at this point.
2 min I’m a little surprised Moyes has gone with so many of his best players today – I thought Rice might get a rest, because though he’s in incredible nick, being in incredible nick is essential for the way he plays, and West Ham need him fresh for midweek.
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1 min “I have been a depressed Evertonian most of this season,” emails Mary Waltz. “A couple weeks ago I decided to do a Ted Lasso, be a goldfish, believe. We won. So I will adopt that pose again. Of course my traditional gloom is only heartbeat away.”
Is this the point at which I admit I’ve never seen that show?
1 min And away we go!
Here come the teams!
It’s a strange one, that, as Lampard had obviously decided to play a certain way, yet when Van de Beek was ruled out he didn’t go for a similar replacement, and play Dele Alli, but a defender. Alli must be spewing.
Donny van de Beek ruled out! Mason Holgate comes it!
It never rains, but sometimes it pours so hard it makes your head bleed. Or perhaps Frank Lampard just rad Yash Gupta’s email.
“That Everton midfield is, well, it seems Lampard is showing why he got the sack at Chelsea,” says Yash Gupta. “He only needs to remember how awful Van de Beek was in tracking runners from midfield when Everton shipped five. Another one of those players for whom the jump from Netherlands to Premier League seems too much.”
I guess tracking isn’t something you can’t change about your play pretty quickly, but from what I’ve seen of Van de Beek, I do wonder if he’s got the physicality to play anywhere but in behind. It wasn’t just Ole Gunnar Solskjær who didn’t fancy him – Ralf Rangnick didn’t either, though you could argue neither manager covered themselves in glory, so.
Poor old Donny. He looks ginger in the warm-up, and is now being assessed before a call is made on whether or not he starts.
In the Sky studio, Graeme Souness is rhapsodising Bowen, who he says is the kind of player you win leagues with, reckoning richer clubs might fancy him this summer. He’s always struck me as a Jürgen Klopp-type – good raw materials and great desire – though Liverpool are obviously full up in attack. Jermain Deofe notes that you know you’re a top player when the moment you’re back from injury, you’re back in the starting XI.
“If Everton win all the games in hand that they have,” tweets Andy Park, “they could be just behind West Ham in the table. Of course they’ll lose them and be relegated.”
Spoken like a true Evertoninan.
David Moyes tells Sky that having Bowen back is a “huge boost”. He’d like to have given him longer, but they’ve big games today and midweek, so he needs to get some match fitness back.
Lampard, meanwile, is glad to get Calvert-Lewin in and thinks he’ll be crucial. The players have responded well to the criticism their manager gave them after the Palace game, though he thinks what he said was taken out of context – er, alright then – and praies the character they showed beating Newcastle in their last league game. There are lots of points to fight for whatever happens today, but he hopes his team do well.
One thing I do wonder, though, is how Everton get Calvert-Lewin the service he needs to thrive. My guess is the onus will be on the full-backs to supply the crosses, but perhaps Gray will also be told to hit the front post.
Looking again at that Everton line-up, it looks ultra-attacking. I’m not sure if we’ll see Doucoure as the holder in midfield, with Van de Beek and either Iwobi or Gray ahead, but even if the on-loan for mer Ajax 24-year-old Dutchman with a point to prove is a second sitter, his main objective will to get forward.
Email! “Games against Everton always have me reminiscing about the 1980 FA Cup semi-final (back when such games were a big deal),” says Daniel Barnett. “I can’t help thinking that this clip of Frank Lampard Snr’s late winner and corner flag jig got some serious video time in the Lampard household when today’s Everton manager was a lad.”
If we’re doing favourite FA Cup semi celebrations from the early 80s – and why wouldn’t we be? – this is one of my favourites.
Only tangentially related, by how brilliant is it to see Ravel Morrison back? I’ve not seen many young players more talented than he – in the same youth team as Jesse Lingard and Paul Pogba, he was the standout and by far. Check out his late winner for Derby yesterday.
I enjoyed this...
Elsewhere: in the SPL, Celtic lead 2-1 at Rangers, while in the WSL, Arsenal lead Leicester.
As for Everton, there’s huge news for them too, Dominic Calvert-Lewin returning up front as one of four changes from the miserable thrashing at Palace. Donny van de Beek, cuptied for that one, is back, Demarai Gray comes in too, and so do Alex Iwobi and Vitalii Mykolenko. Dropping out are Anthony Gordon, Mason Holgate, and Andros Townsend, who’s out for the season, while Seamus Coleman, Andre Gomes don’t even make the squad.
So what does it all mean? Well, there’s great news for West Ham, who welcome Jarrod Bowen back – they’d feared he’d miss the Lyon tie – with Ben Johnson and Manuel Lanzini also dropping out. Ryan Fredericks and Pablo Fornals come on.
Teams!
West Ham United (a grooved 4-3-3): Fabianski; Fredericks, Zouma, Dawson, Cresswell; Rice, Soucek, Fornals; Benrahma, Bowen, Antonio. Subs: Areola, Coufal, Masuaku, Diop, Alese, Noble, Kral, Vlasic, Yarmolenko.
Everton (a desperate 4-3-3): Pickford; Kenny, Keane, Godfrey, Mykolenko; Iwobi, Doucoure, Van de Beek; Gray, Richarlison, Calvert-Lewin. Subs: Begovic, Holgate, Branthwaite, Price, Alli, El Ghazi, Gordon, Dobbin, Rondon.
Preamble
Fears of war between Russia and the US; a vicious government victimising the most vulnerable; a preoccupation with the body-parts and private lives of people we’ve never net; yeah, as a society we’ve come a long way since the mid-80s. Well done us! Three cheers for the human race!
One thing that has changed in that time, though, is football; no longer does the English game refer to a “Big Five”, comprising Liverpool, Manchester United, Arsenal, Tottenham Hotspur and Everton – yes, Everton! Winners of two league titles, one FA Cup and one Cup Winners’ Cup between 1984 and 1987, the grand old team were not just one of the best in Canon League Division 1 but one of the best anywhere in the world.
And then it all stopped. By 1994, they needed a brilliant Barry Horne goal to stay up on the final day, also saved themselves at the last in 1998, and it’s barely got better since: you can make a strong case that no club in the history of football has frittered more money, more vomitously, than Everton have these last few years. It’s almost impressive, the Brewster’s Millions de nos jours.
So here we are now, with the Ev just one place and three points above the relegation zone and just seven weeks of the season left. On the face of things, they should have enough to escape: some decent players and three games in hand. But on the other, they’ve lost four our of five and have a run-in of pure, unadulterated brutality; they are in the shtuck.
West Ham, meanwhile, are on a buzz. They’ve dropped to eighth in the league, but on Thursday face Lyon in the last eight of the Europa League having despatched Sevilla in epochal circumstances. This is the best it’s been in, er, Westfield Stratford since those heady mid-80s days when they were fighting Everton – and Liverpool – for the league title. It may be that, with midweek in mind, they cut their visitors a break today ... or it may be that, with places up for grabs and professional pride at stake, they send them plummeting out of the elite for the first time since 1950-51.
Kick-off: 2pm BST
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