How do you parent a baby who has died? This is a question my partner and I were left with when our son, Sasha, was stillborn in January 2022. We had all this overflowing love and care in our hearts, and no living baby to give it to. People don’t like to think about baby loss. It’s simply too sad and shocking for most. So, for us, keeping Sasha’s name alive and trying to speak the truth of his life and death became one of the ways we parented him.
Being unheard is one of the most common experiences that unites bereaved families. It is not only that many of us fear stigma or hurtful reactions when we speak about our babies. Many parents, especially those from low-income or ethnic minority families, will have had their concerns during pregnancy ignored or not taken seriously by healthcare professionals. When the tragedy of a baby’s death occurs, it is often the case that our complaints are met with denial or obfuscation by the hospital. Many bereaved parents, particularly those who feel or know that their baby’s death could have been prevented, eventually come to expect that we will not be listened to, that our warnings or suggestions about maternity care in the UK will remain unheeded.
