Remarriage is quite common nowadays. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 16% or one in six children in America live in blended families. The father in this story told his new wife from the start that he would not take care of her three kids financially.
Yet when their father passed away, she asked him for help. That’s when the man went to look for advice online, sparking quite a furious debate. Commenters divided into two camps: some believed he was responsible for the children once he married their mother, and others believed he owed them absolutely nothing.
To know more about the intricacies of blended families, Bored Panda reached out to Associate Marriage and Family Therapist Christopher Underwood. He told us more about how people can navigate boundaries with their spouses regarding stepchildren. Read his expert insights below!
This man married a woman who had three kids from her previous marriage and told her from the get-go he wouldn’t support them
Image credits: nd3000 / envato (not the actual photo)
When their father passed away, the wife asked her husband for financial help, but he refused
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envato (not the actual photo)
Image source: Glad-Mix-9982
There is no definitive answer to whether a stepparent should provide financially for their stepkids
Image credits: Pixabay / pexels (not the actual photo)
Whether or not a stepparent is obligated to financially support their stepchildren is a complex issue. Christopher Underwood, AMFT, says that there is no one-size-fits-all answer, as each situation is unique. It depends on many different factors, including cultural, religious, economic, and personal considerations.
The most important thing couples should do in these instances is to have open and honest conversations. “This not only ensures alignment on financial goals but also strengthens the relationship by fostering a collaborative approach,” Underwood notes. Money issues are the number one stressor in many relationships. That’s why both partners must be on the same page.
“Ultimately, the decision to provide financial support should be carefully evaluated in terms of its ethical implications for the couple,” Underwood says. If the couple cannot find common ground on this issue, they can seek individual or couples therapy. A professional might give them valuable guidance and support.
Such a decision might negatively impact relationships with the spouse and the stepchildren
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
When a stepparent refuses to provide financial support, as the author of this story did, it can affect both the partner and the children. Such a decision might create emotional distance from the partner, as they might feel the spouse is not fully committed to the family.
The children also might get the short end of the stick here. “Depending on the developmental stage of the children, they may experience feelings of being undervalued or less important, which can strain their relationship with the stepparent,” Underwood explains.
However, Underwood also notes that there can be positive effects for stepchildren if the stepparent refuses to give financial support. “Clear communication, boundary-setting, and mutual understanding can lead to healthier outcomes for the couple and children alike,” he says.
It’s important to understand where the refusal to provide financially comes from
Image credits: Nicola Barts / pexels (not the actual photo)
What’s important in this situation, according to Underwood, is to understand the reasons behind the stepparent’s decision. “Support can extend beyond financial assistance,” he says. “Some individuals may not have the financial capacity to contribute in this way but may offer support in other areas, such as emotional care or household responsibilities.”
“Therefore, it is important to clearly define what kind of support is being offered and where boundaries are being set.”
He says that we as people make decisions like these based on our past experiences and trauma. “Trauma deeply influences how individuals perceive boundaries, financial support, and relational dynamics,” Underwood explains. “Trauma survivors may require more intentional communication, stability, and clarity to feel safe and valued in their relationships.”
“These dynamics are especially important in blended families, where roles and responsibilities can be more fluid, and the effects of trauma may surface in unexpected ways. Understanding the profound impact of trauma can help foster healthier, more supportive relationships,” the associate therapist claims.
Before delivering a verdict, netizens asked the man for some context
And the outrage began: many couldn’t believe his selfishness, asking him why he married her in the first place
Others sided with the author, agreeing that his boundaries were valid
Some folks thought both the wife and the husband were being jerks to each other and the kids
