STAY AWAY FROM THAT TRAP DOOR
The Fiver has never been able to handle change. Doesn’t matter whether it’s language, recipes, kick-off times, waistlines or anything else: they’re all just reminders that we’re on the Grim Reaper’s radar. In our head, Eintracht Frankfurt won the Uefa Cup on Wednesday night [Big Vase, how many times – Fiver Ed], sick is what you are after a surfeit of Tin and graphics on the ZX Spectrum 128k cannot be bettered. Snickers is the term for a group of English batsmen and literally MEANS EFFING LITERALLY. So, you can imagine the confused state of our tea-timely noggin as it dawned on us that Frank Lampard’s Everton – who have been in the top flight throughout our broadly futile existence – really might go down this season.
