The moment I knew: After witnessing trauma at a refugee detention centre, we held each other and cried

‘When I’m with him, he’s still my safe space’: Liza Shaw and Rohan Wightman with their daughter, Ksenya, in 2008 Photograph: Liza Shaw and Rohan Wightman

I met Rohan in 1998 in Lismore, New South Wales, where we were both going to university. Before that, I’d noticed him around town in his sarong and peacock feather earrings. He was distinctive and slightly dandyish, sometimes wearing dresses on campus. I had another partner at the time but our mutual friend introduced us, and Rohan and I became housemates.

We bonded living together and hosting dinner parties, where we’d talk about life and politics well into the night. I was intrigued by his friends. One time Rohan invited a member of the Black Panthers to come and stay at our house.