Manchester United have decided to lovingly and supportively part company with the forward Mason Greenwood. Greenwood was accused of attempted rape, assault, and controlling and coercive behaviour, until the complainant withdrew her cooperation, new material came to light, and the CPS dropped the charges in February.
Reaching the decision has taken the club six months of what is known in technical investigative terms as “pissing about”, and was communicated to fans on Monday afternoon by the chief executive, Richard Arnold, in an “open letter”. Were the open letter format not notoriously mad enough, Arnold seems to have decided to write his in the tone of Gwyneth Paltrow’s “consciously uncoupling” statement.
