Navigating a blended family isn’t always easy. And the holiday season can shine a light on any cracks already present in relationships. There’s a lot to consider during Christmas… the visitation schedule, get-togethers, differing traditions and of course, gifts. One wrong move could end up escalating into full-blown family drama.
One angry stepmom shared how her husband’s adult daughters have never given her so much as a card for Christmas, despite her buying both of them gifts every year. This year, the woman decided “enough is enough”, and crossed the stepkids off her Christmas gift list. But when her husband found out, he was furious. Now she’s wondering if her actions are justified, or if she’s just being petty.
One of the joyous parts of Christmas is giving and receiving gifts
Image credits: Daiga Ellaby / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
When one woman had enough of giving and never getting gifts from her stepkids, she decided to take drastic action
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Mamana127
A certified stepparent coach unpacks holiday gifting etiquette for blended families
When certified stepparent coach Kristen Skiles asked her Instagram followers what holiday questions they have, the overwhelming majority wanted to know about gifting. Skiles is the founder of stepmomming.com, host of the podcast Stepmomming Made Easy, and a stepmom herself.
Skiles says she usually does the Christmas gift shopping in her household, but every year she encourages her husband to buy a gift for her stepdaughter, Krista. “It’s important that she sees he’s involved and hasn’t shifted that duty to me,” wrote Skiles on her blog.
The coach says she also helps her stepdaughter pick a gift for her dad every Christmas. Skiles acknowledges that while this setup works for her family, not all stepmom/stepchild relationships are like theirs. “Trust your gut and do what feels right for you,” is her suggestion.
The expert says there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to gifting for stepfamily. “If you all get along, and you want to discuss gifts, go for it. If you don’t want to, that’s okay too!” she advises. “This is simply another example of co-parenting vs. parallel parenting, and there’s no right or wrong answer, just what works best for your family.”
“As a general rule of thumb, you should first and foremost buy gifts for the family members and friends who you will be spending Christmas Day with,” notes the British School of Excellence. “If you have a large family and will be splitting the celebrations across several days, it is a good idea to buy small gifts for people at those gatherings as well.”
Skiles says it’s important to remember that the holidays shouldn’t be about the quantity or price of gifts, but rather making memories, spending time together, and the love behind the gift more than the actual gift itself.
The School of Excellence echoes that sentiment, cautioning that Christmas gift etiquette should not be a competition. “The true spirit of giving lies in the thought behind the gift and in your appreciation of it. Reciprocate in spirit as best you can but resist the urge to break your budget out of pride,” reads the site.
It adds that gifts don’t need to be restricted to physical objects, noting that “Your time and attention are just as valuable, if not even more so.”
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