If you’re not one yourself, then you’ve almost definitely seen them in action, deftly dealing with difficult clients while trying to get a GP appointment for a sickly toddler or tackling their workload with single-minded focus because they can’t be late for pickup – again.
Working mums might appear to be the modern world’s ultimate jugglers, but as a landmark white paper commissioned by Maltesers has highlighted, the reality is that most of us are bending over backwards to keep our balls in the air.
While partners, family and friends all have roles to play in lightening the load, colleagues can also make a real difference. In Let’s Lighten the Load, Maltesers points out that 30% of working mums in the UK don’t feel understood by others in the workplace, while 55% say they need more help from employers and colleagues to be the working mothers they want to be.
If you’re ready to lend a much-needed hand, here are six tips for becoming a better ally (AKA a motherlover, as Maltesers would have it) to the working mums in your workplace …
Don’t feed the mum guilt
Mum guilt is a multilayered beast. This came through in research from Maltesers , with 79% of UK mothers saying they feel guilty for not spending enough time with their children while, at the same time, 56% feel guilty about not working enough.
Among colleagues, a little understanding can go a long way. Research from Maltesers found that 81% of mothers in the UK have to rearrange schedules constantly, in and outside of work, while 73% say they’ve had to sacrifice elements of the job they previously enjoyed so they can balance work and motherhood. So, try to be understanding when changes happen rather than seeing them as a lack of consideration or dedication to the job. Adding to the guilt that many working mums are already carrying won’t benefit anyone.
Be flexible around flexibility
Since the pandemic, flexible working has come to the fore. But while many office workers now regularly work from home, three of the five sectors in the UK that have the most constraints on flexible working (healthcare, retail and education) overwhelmingly employ women, as highlighted in the 2022 Working Families Index.
In these sectors, flexibility is usually time-based – earlier start and finish times, different shift patterns or part-time hours – all of which can result in mothers being invisible and seen as uncommitted.
While working out the finer details of how an organisation can accommodate flexible working is a job for management, colleagues can do their bit to support mothers who take this route. If you work alongside mothers on flexible hours, make sure you’re aware of the days/times they work, keep them in the loop when they’re not around, and don’t buy into false, negative perceptions.
Push back against masculine workplace culture
What does it mean to be professional? Being confident? Competitive? Ambitious? Traditional masculine traits such as these – still highly valued in many workplaces – can make it difficult for a woman to mention that, for example, she’s having a bad day because her child was up all night.
So, what can be done? Well, for starters, everyone in the workplace can try to bring their full selves to work. Opening up about personal triumphs and challenges will help to chip away at the macho culture. Secondly, instead of leaning into bravado, why not offer a listening ear? Caring for colleagues should be seen as a way we can all thrive, rather than as a weakness.
Finally, if you’re a dad, “parenting loudly” is a powerful way to help shift the expectation that mothers are sole, or primary, caregivers. So let colleagues know you’re leaving early for pickup or taking the morning off to see your child’s assembly. In doing that, you’ll also help shift the narrative around prioritising the family – it doesn’t mean that you’re slacking off.
Support dads in being active parents
If we want to enact change, everyone has to come along for the ride – and supporting fathers to be more involved in family life can have a positive knock-on effect for mothers too. Figures from HMRC show that only 32% of eligible fathers in the UK took paternity leave in 2021-22, and research by Pregnant Then Screwed found that 17% of those who didn’t say they were worried about discrimination at work or told by their employer that they couldn’t take it.
Jettisoning the outdated stereotype that men are supposed to prioritise work over family life would allow more fathers to step up and relieve the burdens faced by working mothers. A society where dads are just as likely as mums to be the main contact for school or nursery, share pickup/drop-off duties, or stay at home with the baby, is a society that will benefit us all.
Give pregnant women (and those ‘trying’) the support they need
Given the prominence of the masculine workplace culture, it’s hardly surprising that 65% of women feel nervous about telling their employer they are pregnant. And research from Maltesers found that for many women, the anxiety starts before they even conceive, with 25% saying they were uncomfortable about talking to their employers about health challenges when trying for a baby.
The burden of change ultimately falls on leaders and managers, who can help by taking the health concerns of women seriously, making maternity policies easily accessible, and not disadvantaging mothers when it comes to promotions or new job offers. But colleagues have a positive role to play as well. Moving forward, let’s try leaving the “is she/isn’t she?” gossip at the door, and acknowledge that while a pregnancy might be longed for, it can be physically, emotionally and mentally challenging – so let’s show mothers-to-be kindness and respect.
Be pro-pumping
The pressure to give up breastfeeding when you finish maternity leave is something many mothers will be familiar with. Few workplaces offer a dedicated space where they can pump and store milk so, often, the only options are meeting rooms or toilet cubicles. Businesses have a quick win here, by providing private, comfortable spaces where women can express milk. Colleagues, too, can help break the taboo around pumping at work by quitting with the crass jokes and supporting mums in getting the space they need.
MALTESERS® in partnership with Comic Relief, is working towards a future where women no longer face injustice. Together, we’re working to lighten the load for working mums and to help women thrive. Find out how
Mars Wrigley is donating £500,000 in 2023 to Comic Relief, operating name of Charity Projects, registered charity in England & Wales (326568) and Scotland (SC039730)
