Let’s face it: most people on this earth have thought about hugging the eldritch horrors within Silent Hill, but only a brave few are willing to admit it – including me, which is while I’ll be ranking several of the franchise’s most iconic monsters based purely on how huggable they are.
Why? Because there’s not enough chaotic, unhinged energy lingering in the air these days.
Plus, Silent Hill’s revival is just around the corner. So what better time is there to look back on every installment from the original Silent Hill through Silent Hill: Downpour to see who needs a hug? (Hint: there’s no honest answer – just bear with me)
Let’s get to it.
9
Grey Child
First Appearance: Silent Hill (1999)
If pugs have taught me anything, it’s that people love small, round little guys that can’t breathe out of their noses properly – meaning the grey children are instantly pretty huggable. Sure, you might get stabbed in the process, but whatever, they’re just kids! Put on an episode of Paw Patrol if they get too violent, and boom – you’re safe.
8
Asphyxia
First Appearance: Silent Hill: Homecoming (2008)
What’s more deserving of a warm embrace than some fleshy ghoul with 12 arms? Not much (aside from everything ranked higher on this list). Asphyxia doesn’t even have any actual feet – only more hands, so it’s only natural that they’d make the list. As an aside, this is probably the best creature design from the western-developed Silent Hill games.
7
The Missionary
First Appearance: Silent Hill 3 (2003)
Now, I know what you’re thinking: why would you hug the fellow that killed Harry Mason? The truth is, I don’t have an answer – it’s more of a challenge than anything. The Missionary has lawnmower blades strapped to his forearms, so you’ll probably get sliced up a bit. Who knows, though, maybe he wouldn’t be keen on using them like weapons if you take the time to listen rather than immediately pull out a Glock – ever thought of that? Didn’t think so.
6
Twin Victims
First Appearance: Silent Hill 4: The Room (2004)
Yes, the Twin Victims are mighty creepy. Consider this, though: they’re just two little kids that have been duct-taped together via unholy magic. Give them a pat on the head and say their crayon drawing of a fire hydrant is spot-on (even if it’s actually terrible), then throw in a hug for good measure. Boom – not so scary anymore, eh?
5
The Closers
First Appearance: Silent Hill 3 (2003)
Ok, now we’re getting to the cute stuff. The Closers are tall boys that love to boop you on the nose. Sure, their giant chicken drumstick-like hands rattle about in an unsettling way – but come on: a boop is a boop! In my eyes, the only way to return that affection is by bringing them in close.
4
Valtiel
First Appearance: Silent Hill 3 (2003)
Unlike everything else on this list, Valtiel doesn’t attack you at any point in Silent Hill 3. He mostly just hangs out, turning the odd valve here and switching off lights there – we stan a productive and passive king. Yeah, I know he tries to end the world by helping a demon god come into existence – who cares! Nobody’s perfect.
3
Bubble Head Nurse
First Appearance: Silent Hill 2 (2001)
Let’s face it: most Silent Hill fans have had a crush on the Bubble Head Nurses. Oh, are you trying to deny it? Don’t bother – only fellow sickos would’ve made it this far down the list. Plus, the Nurses are always upset, so a hug might be in order. We all need a shoulder to cry on, after all.
2
Pyramid Head
First Appearance: Silent Hill 2 (2001)
Some think Pyramid Head is evil, but he’s just looking out for those he cares about. A real self-improvement kind of guy, you know? There’s likely an alternate reality where he’s a personal trainer, I bet.
In Silent Hill 2, Pyramid Head wants the protagonist (James Sunderland) to stop lying to themselves about many things. That automatically makes him top-shelf hug material. Your chest might get torn off in the process, but that’ll likely only happen if you’re part of an evil cult.
1
Lisa
First Appearance: PT (2014)
Ah, Lisa. The terrifying ghost lady from PT. While we’ll never know the true story behind Lisa (on account of Silent Hills getting cancelled), there’s just something exceptionally loving about someone that wildly shuffles around dirty hallways. She takes plenty of interest in your well-being by watching your every move, popping up in dark corners, and always sports a toothy grin – what’s not to love? That’s emotional support if I’ve ever seen it, and prime hug material.
Written by Kyle Campbell on behalf of GLHF.
