In many Bangkok retail establishments there are frequent special offers with variations on the "buy one, get one free!" theme. It is known in the trade as BOGO or BOGOF which actually sounds a bit rude. The immediate reaction to this sort of offer, especially when the word "free!" appears with an accompanying exclamation mark, tends to be "what's the catch?"
It is most prevalent in supermarkets which often means that the product in question is rapidly approaching its sell-by date and they just want to clear the shelves. So the odds are you probably don't want that item in the first place, let alone two of them. In many cases you have to buy two or three to get one free, which is even less appealing.
What sparked these thoughts was a little coffee shop I visited this week which had a poster offering "Buy 10 Get One Free!" Ten -- that's an awful lot of coffees to consume to get one on the house. You would be really buzzing after that. It is hard to see the attraction unless they are catering for football teams.
Whenever you are considering a bargain it's probably best to remember the old adage that is not too far off the mark: "A bargain is something you do not need at a price you cannot resist."
Keep the change
Loathe as I am to admit it, I still succumb to the old 99 baht trick in stores when you kid yourself you are making a big saving when it is actually only one baht. You only have to walk around the supermarkets and malls to see all those wonderful "special offers" at irritating prices like 299 baht, 499 baht and 999 baht. Life would be a lot simpler if there was a 99 baht note.
Shop until you drop
At least you don't have to bargain for many things these days. When I was first in Bangkok there were no big department stores and shopping could be quite an exhausting experience.
No place had everything under one roof so you trudged around from shop to shop, many without air conditioning. It would be nice to say that despite the hardships shopping was a rich cultural experience. But for me it was just too bloody hot.
So I confess to having shamelessly succumbed in my old age to the air-conditioned comfort of my local (not-too-fancy) mall which has a passable supermarket. At least these days I don't return home soaked in sweat and suffering from exhaustion… unless I've been shopping with the wife.
It's a bargain
Bargaining was never my strong point, primarily due to lack of patience. I would rather pay more than I should than waste half-an-hour haggling over a few baht. I was admittedly discouraged after one early experience where I stood my ground and the shopkeeper finally agreed to my price. When I told a Thai friend later about my bargaining prowess he reacted with horror, telling me it was twice the amount he would have paid.
There was an art to bargaining in those days. At a certain point of the negotiations an experienced shopper would pretend to walk out and wait for the shopkeeper to call them back, agreeing to the customer's last offer. But whenever I tried that there never seemed to be a call from the shopkeeper and I just carried on walking, feeling like an idiot.
Upstairs, downstairs
This talk of bargaining reminded me of a London department store which some years ago carried the splendid sign "Bargain Basement Upstairs."
The pitfalls of not getting the wording quite right were apparent in another sign in a London supermarket window: "Why go anywhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
In fact the UK has long been a rich source of shop signs that could somehow have been better expressed. Springing to mind is the London shop that claimed "We exchange everything -- bicycles, washing machines etc… bring your wife and get the deal of your life".
One of the classics was the unfortunately worded sign in a Birmingham electrical store which read "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machines do the dirty work". From the same city was this curious offer from a dry cleaners: "We do not tear your clothes with machinery, we do it by hand."
Awkwardly-worded ads could also be a rich source of entertainment. The people who placed this ad in the Essex Chronicle had the best of intentions: "Afghan hound for sale. Will eat anything and is particularly fond of children."
The last word
Then there was the ad in New Zealand Outdoor which shows how versatile some people can be: "Bicycle available for quick sale, looked after by young lady with collapsible frame."
An unfortunate choice of words made the following announcement in a Sussex newspaper a little more entertaining than intended: "The evening of clairvoyance on Nov 26 has been cancelled owing to unforeseen circumstances."
Then there was the following ad in an English newspaper: "Owing to the disastrous fire the Grange Hotel has temporarily moved to Greyfields Manor Hotel where the welcome will be even warmer."
Contact PostScript via email at oldcrutch@hotmail.com
