This is shaping up to be a profoundly depressing summer for the movie business. Films that would have traditionally been a slam-dunk have tanked at the box office. A Pixar movie has tanked and even Indiana Jones has all but sunk without trace. So, naturally, you might be a little worried about Tom Cruise.
His new film Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One comes out in a matter of days. And although last year’s Top Gun: Maverick cemented him as the only movie star people actually want to pay to watch any more, the instability of the theatrical business model means that the new release is anything but a sure thing.
But I think I can help. My suspicion is that audiences will only pay to see Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One if they can be assured that they will be presented with the Tom Cruiseiest Tom Cruise film that Tom Cruise has ever made. So with that – and beware that some of what is written below might constitute the lightest of spoilers – here’s a rough breakdown of how the film deals with all the main Cruise categories.
Does Tom Cruise jump off a tall thing on a motorbike?
Yes. And you know he does. Cruise jumping off a tall thing on a motorbike is the central pillar of Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One’s entire marketing strategy. When he filmed the scene of him jumping off a tall thing on a motorbike, it immediately went viral on social media. When the Mission: Impossible production team packaged together a video of Tom Cruise preparing to jump off a tall thing on a motorbike, by repeatedly flinging himself out of an aeroplane, it went just as viral. So the question you should be asking yourself is this: is the scene of Tom Cruise jumping off a tall thing on a motorbike any good? The answer is: oh goodness, yes!
Does Tom Cruise run?
Yes. A Tom Cruise movie isn’t a Tom Cruise movie unless he’s seen legging it across some exotic locale at full pelt. Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One is no exception. We get two extremely good running scenes here: one when he runs across a roof, and another where he sprints through the streets of a major European city so comprehensively that he effectively becomes a workable alternative to Google Street View.
Does Tom Cruise get into a car chase?
Yes. You probably knew this because you saw the paparazzi shots of it being filmed in a different major European city a couple of years ago. There’s strong competition – the Paris bike chase in Mission: Impossible – Fallout was breathlessly thrilling, plus both of the Jack Reacher films were basically just an excuse for Cruise to drive a car really fast – but the car chase here might be the best of his career. Or anyone’s career. It’s really long and really, really good.
Does Tom Cruise look deep into the eyes of an assailant and say “It’s OK”?
Yes. This might not necessarily be a category that sells a lot of tickets, but a key component of all good Tom Cruise films is the moment when he puts his hands out like Chris Pratt talking to a velociraptor and says “It’s OK,” in a calm and authoritative voice to a baddie. Sometimes this happens when he is trying to defuse a situation before a fight, and sometimes it happens straight after a fight, when Cruise is trying to convince a screaming villain that they aren’t as badly injured as they think they are. If you enjoy these moments, this film is basically your Christmas.
Does Tom Cruise ride a motorcycle without a helmet?
Yes. And I wish he wouldn’t. It really makes me very nervous and it doesn’t set a good example to children.
Do several characters spend an inordinate amount of time explaining just how clever and dangerous and strong Tom Cruise’s character is?
Yes. Remember in Jack Reacher, when almost the entire first half of the film was taken up with a long procession of high-status characters explaining in granular detail how strong and clever Jack Reacher is? Something similar happens here. Before the film even really gets going, there are two separate scenes where powerful characters warn each other about what a dangerous and unstoppable maverick Ethan Hunt AKA Tom Cruise is. However, unlike Jack Reacher, at no point in Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One do female characters stop what they’re doing and ogle simply because Cruise is in their general vicinity. This, unfortunately, is a letdown.
Does Tom Cruise say that something is going to happen, and the baddies don’t believe it, and then it happens and they are confounded?
No. And speaking of letdowns, this is perhaps the biggest of all. The best thing that Cruise ever does in any film – he’s done it in Jack Reacher, American Made and Edge of Tomorrow – is walk up to a bunch of hostiles and calmly say something such as: “In five seconds, that telephone is going to ring. And when it does, you guys are in deep shit,” and they’re all like: “Hey, this clown thinks he can read the future. Screw you, clown,” and then five seconds later the telephone rings and they’re all like: “Uh-oh,” and Cruise punches three of them in the throat. This is the best thing that Tom Cruise ever does in any film, and yet it does not happen in Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One. Perhaps they’re saving it for part two.
And there we have it. Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One contains almost every element you could possibly expect from a Tom Cruise film. It is a profoundly Tom Cruisey Tom Cruise movie. I don’t want to tempt fate, but I think the box office is going to be fine.
