They know exactly what they want to say. They may have rehearsed the conversation while showering, driving or lying awake at night. But when the colleague makes the rude comment again, the partner crosses the same boundary or the friend does something upsetting, the words disappear. “It’s fine,” they say, even though it clearly isn’t. Psychology suggests difficulty with confrontation can involve conflict-avoidance strategies, assertiveness, attachment patterns, anticipated social consequences and avoidance learning. For some people, the problem isn't that they cannot recognize unfair behavior. Their brain may simply calculate that speaking up carries a bigger immediate social risk than remaining silent.
