Which means that we’re done here. Thanks all for your company and comments, sorry I couldn’t use them all; join us again tomorrow for more Champions League fun and what could be an interesting domestic tussle. As for me, I’m off to buy a new keyboard. Ta-ra!
Here’s Barney Ronay’s match report:
I think Bayern have levels they can go to beyond the one we saw tonight, and their midfield gives them a chance in any game. But I wonder if, when Mané’s back, the might go for a more mobile, creative option in the middle of the attack, because while Choupo-Moting gives them an out-ball and a presence, they have enough possession, I think, to try a more nimble and inventive player in his position.
“While he hasn’t been tested really at all today (as I say that he just made that glorious double save),” emails Justin Madson, “Bayern’s purchase of Yann Sommer to cover for Neuer after his skiing accident is exceptional. While Bayern ended up forking over 8 million for a keeper whose contract expires in June, much to the chagrin of some supporters, I don’t think I’ve seen a better emergency (panic?) keeper buy.”
Yeah, I was thinking well, Neuer’s 36 so maybe this is him being replaced, except Sommer’s 34, so.
Updated
At San Siro, Milan have beaten Spurs 1-0.
That said, Bayern are clearly the superior side, with too much in midfield to give Paris anything other than a puncher’s chance. But when Mbappe is your puncher, it’s not a bad one, and I daresay Galtier picks a different side in two weeks – Ruiz and Vitinha made a difference, and though picking them means they’re less able to put Bayern’s trio under pressure, the side he sent out tonight weren’t able to do that so he may as well try his ball-players.
Full-time: PSG 0-1 Bayern Munich
Bayern dominated for 75-odd minutes, but Paris showed enough in the last 15 to suggest they can do something in the second leg, especially given Mbappe will be fitter then.
90+3 min … and again, Bayern defend the box well, clearing the first ball before Sommer fields the second.
RED CARD PAVARD!
90+2 min I can’t say that wasn’t coming. Messi skirts around the outside and Pavard slides in, missing the ball and wrapping Messi’s standing leg between his two. Free-kick Paris, just outside the right edge of the box…
90 min During the last 10 minutes, Paris have – or, should I say Mbappe has – shown enough to suggest he can do something in Munich. Four added minutes.
90 min Another defensive Bayern change, Stanisic replacing Sané, who’s done very little.
88 min “I’m not trying to be snide,” offers Jonathan Tinsley, “but is there any reason you are insisting on calling them Paris rather than PSG like everyone else?”
Two reasons:
1) My mate who supports them calls them that so I always have.
2) As I mentioned below, during the course of this MBM, my keyboard has gone on the blink, so fewer caps are better for me and its ability to see the game out.
86 min Bayern send Gravenberch on for Musiala.
86 min Neymar fouls someone, I’m sorry I didn’t see who – and is booked. After 80 minutes of nonsense, this is now a game!
85 min Suddenly, this is a game! Bayern muck about with it inside their own half, get caught, and when Mendes crosses, Vitinha shoots … but too close to Sommer.
84 min Here comes Mendes again! He tears down the left, looks up, clips back to Messi, arriving on the burst to sweep home … except Pavard, half showing it his arse, makes a tremendous block! That’s a proper goal-saver, and the resultant corner comes to nowt.
GOAL DISALLOWED! PSG 0-1 Bayern Munich
It was fractional – and, given Mendes’ pace, unnecessary – but it was also clear.
But was Mendes offside?
I think he might’ve been…
GOAL! PSG 1-1 Bayern Munich (Mbappé 82)
HERE HE IS! Mbappe slides Mendes away down the left, he stamps onto the gas, squares, and Mbappe rams a finish into the roof!
Updated
81 min Musiala breaks through midfield and has men either side of him. But his pass is behind Muller, who thrashes a shot high and wide.
81 min I thought Paris’ wing-backs would have an impact on the game, but in the event they’ve done almost nothing. Still, there’s time, and and Nuno Mendes does well to make space, but then Pavard does well to cut out his cross.
80 min “For another unusual music recommendation,” returns Joe Pearson, “may I propose Dread Zeppelin’s ‘Un-Led-Ed’? Reggae covers of Led Zeppelin with an Elvis impersonator on lead vocals. Yes, you read that correctly.”
I can’t quite get Led Zep, though I’ve tried – please don’t cancel me.
79 min On which point, Messi has done nothing tonight. I wonder if Paris might get him a little deeper, because they can’t get him on the ball as things stand and his passing is so good he might just help Mbappe affect the game.
77 min Mbappen has eased into this, and again he finds space in behind, turning the ball square and winning a corner; Messi then delivers a decent ball, met by Marquinhos … whose header is too close to Sommer. It’s not much, but it’s more.
75 min Ch ch changes: Paris try Vitinha for Danilo, while Bayern send on Gnabry for Coman – who looks to be moving awkwardly after being flattened – and Muller for Choupo-Moting.
73 min BUT HERE HE IS! He gets away at inside-left, eases onto the gas, and he’s in! But a poor touch allows Sommer to come out and forces the lifted finish, the keeper doing really well to block it before saving Neymar’s shot; Mbappe sticks home the rebound, but he’s miles offside. Still, that’s something for Paris at least.
Updated
72 min Mbappe is loitering like a kid paying with adults, hoping someone will serve him something.
70 min But here’s a bit of Paris, Ruiz spreading it before Upamecano puts a decent challenge in on Neymar. Yeah, that’s it, and to compound matters, Kimpembe bisects Coman and is booked.
68 min This game now looks more like it did in the first half, Bayern dominating territory and ball and Paris apparently devoid of the energy or inclination to do something about it.
66 min “Throwing it all the way back,” emails Matt Dony, “did someone say Banging Covers? Author & Punisher makes noisy, noisy music. His album Krüller was one of my picks for last year. It includes a brutally, savagely beautiful cover of Glory Box. It doesn’t matter what volume it’s played it, it just sounds skin-strippingly loud. And it’s wonderful. The beauty is hiding beneath layers of distortion and racket, but it is there. And it’s worth persevering with. I have nothing to add regarding the actual football, beyond constant amazement at Chuopo-Moting’s big-club success.”
Try working that into a kitchen-sink drama!
64 min Kimmich’s corner is a goodun, swung out fast and flat, and De Ligt meets it on the leap! But Donnarumma makes another decent save, diving left to shove away – though perhaps once he was there, De Ligt ought to have directed his header further towards the corner.
63 min Musiala’s been quiet tonight, but he turns up on the right and draws Mendes in, then skips away, crosses … and Donnarumma turns Choupo-Moting’s shot onto the post and wide!
63 min “I can recommend books by David W. Blight on Reconstruction,” says Ruth Purdue. “He is one of the key historians on the subject. I only know about him and Reconstruction because of a podcast I listen to has been doing a running series of interviews on the topic.”
62 min Coman has been made to feel at home here, and he’s allowed so much space to swish over a cross that Choupo-Moting meets well, falling to swing a volley goalwards … but too close to Donnarumma.
60 min I actually thought Paris would try Vitinha, because they need a bit of creative inspiration, but then I guess they need running and ballast too. Meantime, Kimmich, in a spot of space 25 yards out, wafts a drive well over the top.
58 min Double-change for Paris, Ruiz and Mbappe for Soler and Zaire-Emery, both of whom have been anonymous. Paris desperately need a goal to take to Munich, even if they let in another.
56 min “When the camera pans back,” emails Charles Antaki, “you can see the slogan ‘Paris est magique’ in huge letters on one of the stands. True, I suppose, in the sense that a professional magician will go out of their way to make you think that nothing untoward is happening, until the Shazam moment. All that’s missing here on the PSG side is, well, the Shazam moment. In other words, a complete failure as a magical performance.”
Tangentially, the magician on The Traitors – oof madone! For the uninitiated, it’s a BBC gameshow that’s essentially Mafia, and features all the intensified emotion over nothing that makes reality telly so weirdly compelling.
55 min Paris have actually been a bit better this half, at least getting the ball down the Bayern end. But their defence isn’t good enough to invite pressure, as we’ve just seen.
GOAL! Paris 0-1 Bayern Munich (Coman 53)
The Parisian scores in Paris! Goretzka finds Choupo-Moting down the left and he lays back for Davies, who measures a fine cross onto the side of Coman’s right boot. But though he gets all of it on the ball, there’s nae power in the shot and not much direction either … except Donnarumma dives over it, helping it in, and though his defenders gave him nae help, leaving a man free inside the box, ye’ve gottae save that.
Updated
51 min It’s actually pretty hard to see what’s going on down the end Paris are attacking because there’s been a load of pyro in the stands. But when Bayern get the ball away, it’s stuck back in and Sommer comes, flapping just about well enough and taking out Danilo, who needs a spot of treatment.
50 min This is better from Paris, Zaire-Emery nipping down the right and crossing to the near post … but Upamecano does well, sticking the ball behind.
49 min “While Gomorrah and Surburra are great Italian crime dramas,” says Mary Waltz, “I think 1992 and the follow up series are a better example of where Italian crime and corruption lie, in the mansions of Berlusconi and the House of Parliament.”
Everything is everything, but I loved all of those.
48 min Danilo races down the left and Pavard, who’s been booked, shoves him. He can’t be far off a second yellow – I’d think about hooking him – but the free-kick comes to nowt.
47 min My guess is that Nagelsmann wants the penetration of Davies, while Galtier wants a more defensive buffer against Coman.
46 min We go again. I was really looking forward to this tie, but so far it’s been poor.
Change for Paris: Kimpembe for Hakimi.
Change for Bayern: Davies for Cancelo.
Back come our teams…
Where else would it be?
“Did someone say ‘Warren Z’?” wonders Peter Oh.
“Thanks for the book club sidebar,” says Simon Frank. “Some great recommendations. I’m reading a biography- Thelonious Monk: The Life and Times of an American Original by Robin DG Kelley and it’s also magnificent.”
I meant to say, Mary Waltz recommended me a book during a previous MBM, Robert Caro’s The Power Broker, and though I’ve not made as significant a dent in it as I’d have liked, it’s excellent.
Elsewhere, it’s still Milan 1-0 Spurs.
Spurs have a massive problem, really; their midfield was already poor, and now it’s going to miss Bentancur for the rest of the season. They’ll finish outside the top six, would be my guess.
Half-time: PSG 0-0 Bayern Munich
Bayern have dominated but created little; Paris have been abject.
45+1 min And Messi, after conferring with Neymar, shoots into the wall.
45 min Paris get it into Messi and Kimmich can’t help but charge for no reason and no benefit. Free-kick Paris, 25 yards out, just left of centre….
45 min “Sorry to contradict Gillian Kirby,” begins Joe Pearson, “but the MBM in question was Man City 1 - 0 Arsenal in the FA Cup, the key Smyth entry at 12 minutes being, ‘What is wrong with you people?’ I admit to being one of the ‘you people’ in question.”
43 min Coman is finding it easy down the left and this time he skips outside his man, clipping a cut-back that Ramos heads out … but only as far as Kimmich, who watches ball onto laces, head right over it … shooting hard, too close to Donnarumma.
41 min I’m beginning to wonder if Paris’ decision to sit back – or the sitting back that’s being them by Bayern – makes some sense, because there’s a distinct lack of quality and imagination once the ball is delivered into the box, and I’m wondering if Muller’s ability to find space and impart strange flicks and finishes than Choupo-Moting’s blunter attributes.
39 min Again, Coman wanders infield and this time flips a ball to the near post, where Goretzka arrives, hunching shoulders to flick a header that, behind him, Ramos knocks behind. Again, the corner comes to nowt.
38 min Bayern are not the only side I’ve watched this season and thought “Imagine these with a centre-forward”. I guess we don’t really have to imagine, as they had Lewandowski until the summer, but you get my meaning – and I wonder if Napoli, one of few sides with a proper one, will have a serious dart at winning this. I can’t lie, I’d love to see it, and not just because I learnt my Italian from watching Gomorrah.
36 min “Dissing the mighty malted loaf?” says David Perkins. “I’m off to Bazza and the other game, Soreen seems to be the hardest word.”
Ha! I find it a bit klotch-dik, as we say in Yiddish, which I guess translates as sticky, heavy and hard to eat.
35 min Messi pinches a yard, but Pavard, on a booking, slides in and wins the ball well.
34 min The extent of Bayern’s dominance should be deeply unsettling for Paris, and as I type that, Coman shimmies in off the left then swivels into a shot that bumps wide of the near post. Paris need to find a way of getting on the ball in midfield and they’ve got some decent players in there, but they’re not making the same angles as Bayern.
32 min “Since the major digressive theme seems to have an Afro beat to it,” says Mary Waltz, “I suggest reading the Henry Louis Gate Jr book Stony the Road: Reconstruction, White Supremacy and the rise of Jim Crow” Americans devour Civil War books. Each battle will have ten major books, every General has multiple biographies. But when it comes to Reconstruction, Americans are remarkably ignorant and the politicians are trying to stop academia from teaching the subject. Why? Because it is so shameful and we want to hide the truth.”
30 min Coman steps inside and swings a lovely ball to the back post, and Choupo-Moting is up early! But he heads wide of the near post, and for all their dominance – which has been near-enough total – Bayern haven’t created much.
29 min Kimmich’s curler – I’m getting strong Hilda Ogden vibes now – hits the wall, skips over the bar, and the corner comes to nowt.
28 min Musiala skates away from Hakimi, who loses patience and hurls him to the floor. Free-kick Bayern, from the left corner of the box…
27 min Musiala, who’s been quiet so far, darts down the outside of Ramos and gets an arm across him. But it’ll take more than that to stop a monster of his dimensions, and Ramos comes back well to concede a corner that’s cleared.
26 min Neymar turns adroitly, losing Pavard … who cuts him in half. He’s booked.
25 min Kimmich swings a better outswinger – a moving ball this time – towards Coman at the far post, who shins his shot, allowing Donnarumma to save.
24 min “I’m reading The Art of Losing by Alice Zeniter,” emails Kári Tulinius. “It’s about a Kabyle family who leave Algeria during the war for independence and settle in France. Very good so far. Musically, I’ve been on a De La Soul trip for the last couple of days, for obvious reasons, and what a phenomenal group they were. Here’s En Focus, from one of their masterpieces, Buhloone Mindstate.”
Hip -hop doesn’t always translate well to live, but De La are behind only Wu Tang and Jay Electronica as the best act i’ve seen.
23 min Bayern win a free-kick 35 yards out, right of centre, which Kimmich swings out … and Donnarumma comes, punching clear.
22 min “Things that Warren Zaïre-Emery is younger than...” begins David Howell.
“1. Deal or No Deal (both the UK version and numerous others)
2. The Xbox 360
3. Lionel Messi’s first Champions League goal.”
20 min Pavard challenges Neymar, stepping across him and introducing elbow to chin; Neymar goes down and stays down, forcing England’s Brave Michael Oliver to trot over, whereupon he gets up.
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19 min “Hello!” begins Gillian Kirby. “Tell Harriet that it was the Oxford United-Arsenal game with the music-whilst-football discursion, which I remember because I missed the first few minutes thanks to missing my bus home from London’s Glamorous Balham and was following it on my phone/simultaneously hoping that my malted loaf from Lidl wouldn’t get squashed.”
Cease sitting on it? Though, in fairness, being squashed is no more than malted loaf deserves.
18 min Another decent ball into the box, this time from Coman, and again, no one attacks it so Ramos heads clear. Remember when Louis van Gaal reckoned he was getting him out of Madrid to play for post-Fergie Man United? It’s the way I tell em.
17 min I should say, my keyboard has chosen this match to stop working properly, so please bear with me. Otherwise, to hark back to another World Cup riff…
15 min Again, Cancelo is the outlet for Bayern, and this time his ball in is decent, but neither Musiala nor Choupo-Moting gamble, so it drifts behind.
14 min Messi spreads to Neymar and scoots into the box, but the return can’t quite pick him out. Bit better from Paris, though.
12 min “You appear to be at odds with Rob Smyth,” says Harriet Osborn, “who thinks it’s awfully odd to listen to music with the commentary switched off. While reading MbMs of course. I can’t remember which match this discussion was part of; perhaps one of the other regular readers does? Diff’rent strokes, yeah?”
Absolutely. I’m a radio addict, so I enjoy the commentary as company even when it’s miserable, as it often is these days. But I’d not abuse someone who simply couldn’t be doing with it, especially when the alternative was the absolutely banging playlist in question.
11 min Another big switch from Bayern, Kimmich to Cancelo, and though his cross is easily claimed by Donnarumma, the visitors are finding it far too easy to move and keep the ball.
10 min Bayern have had 71% possession so far – and, though they’ve not created much, it’s hard to get anything out of a game if you’re the side with 29%.
Updated
9 min At San Siro, Brahim Diaz has put Meelan in front against Spurs.
7 min Bayern do, as I said, have probably the best midfield in the world. But if I was a Paris fan, I’d be irritated that a side as lavishly funded as the hosts weren’t able to compete against it. And as I type that, the crowd start jeering, presumably dismayed by their team’s timidity.
5 min “OK, so I’ve got both matches going on separate screens on mute,” returns Joe Pearson, “and am listening to your playlist on my phone. Am I OK?”
You sound golden to me. Football to music is always odd, usually in a good way – I remember being in Amsterdam watching Man United 7-1 Blackburn to a soft-rock compilation, a leather-clad lad on the next table drumming along with your Chris Isaaks and such.
4 min Bayern hit another switch, this time out to Coman, and it looks like they’re trying to do as we suspected: stretch the pitch and get in behind the wing-backs, down the sides of the centre-backs.
3 min Nice from Paris, Coman humping a switch over to Cancelo, who swings in a decent cross that’s got just a little bit too much on it.
2 min Already, it looks like Bayern will dominate the ball, Paris sitting off and hoping to counter. Their back three is already a back five.
1 min Bayern move it confidently through midfield, then Stoke’s Choupo-Moting wriggles space and swipes a shot from 20 yards that sails past the far post but no by loads.
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1 min Away we go!
A minute’s silence to respect those who’ve died in the Turkey/Syria earthquake. Godspeed, people.
And a book I’ve enjoyed recently: The Scent of Burnt Flowers by the polymathic Blitz Bazawule.
You may recall that these teams met in the 2020 final, Coman scoring the winner.
Here come our teams!
“Most major pro-sport teams in the world have clauses in their contracts that don’t allow players to participate in dangerous outdoor sports, especially skiing,” emails Mary Waltz. “Did Bayern have any penalties for their goalie breaking his leg on the slopes?”
Imagine how tense the call was when he called Nagelsmann. Like when Man City played Spurs in the Cup, were 3-0 down at half-time, and Joey Barton had to go in and let Kevin Keegan know he’d been sent-off while leaving the pitch – before City somehow forced their way back and won. I say somehow, like they weren’t playing Spurs.
Ach, go on: during the World Cup I stuck up a playlist of Ghanaian tunes that went down well, so here are the sounds of Accra from the aforementioned period, featuring much Afrobeats, a bit of Afro-house and much amapiano.
“Greetings from a surprisingly balmy Midwest where it is 56 degrees (13 to you) in the middle of February!” emails Joe Pearson. “Wondering what our major digressive theme will be this MBM, because there always is one (sometimes two). If you want to go books, ‘My Heart is a Chainsaw’ by Stephen Jones is incredibly meta and fun. Or how about strange covers like Easy Star All-Stars ‘Dub Side of the Moon’? Whatever it is, I’m here for it. What, there’s a football match on? Oh.”
OK, well here’s a cover I heard in the klurb in Detty December, also known as Christmas and new year in Accra, and lost my mind.
I can’t though, big-up Bayern’s midfield without looking at Paris’. Verratti isn’t quite what he was, I don’t think, but he’s still a tremendous player, and I’m looking forward to seeing how Soler fares outside him because he promised to be something a few years ago before his development slowed, and probably wasn’t expecting the opportunity this move presented him with. His left-footed passing gives a nice balance to things, but without any pace through the middle, he’s relying on the wing-backs to run in behind.
I absolutely love Bayern’s midfield. The balance of the three is near-enough perfect, Kimmich able to do almost everything; Goretzka a box-to-box monster and fine human being; Musiala a mercurial wildcard of insulting youthfulness. As a trio they might be the best around, and my sense is they’ll control this tie well enough to see Bayern through.
Another reason I’m buzzing for this tie is to see what Messi has left. Obviously he was alright in the World Cup, imposing his will on the tournament in affirming style. But this is, in the end, a higher standard of football, and he’s playing against better opposition and no longer in a team constructed to get the most from him.
Also tonight, Spurs are in San Siro. Follow that one with Barry Glendenning.
On which point, is there any evidence that supports the deployment of Sané on the right? Wide left, his ability to stretch the pitch but still attack the box made him unusual; on the right, he looks a little lost a lot fo the time – at least when I’ve seen him there.
On the other hand, Bayern will, I’d guess, be looking to exploit Paris out wide. If Cancelo and Coman can get at Mendes and Ramos, there’s joy to be had, and though Hakimi and Danilo look a little stronger on the opposite flank, Sané can do damage in the space between them.
Looking again at the teams, the game for Paris is, I think, down the sides of their centre-backs, both of whom have ability but neither of whom is entirely reliable. De Ligt lacks a bit of pace, while Upemacano is error-prone, and neither is used to facing attackers as skilful and intelligent as Messi and Neymar.
Jo-Lyon Le Scott has just advised us that Messi is “an exceptional talent” which surely contravenes the rules of football vernacular – by roughly a decade and a half.
As for Bayern, I was interested to see the team sent out because I was intrigued to see who was in Nagelsmann’s first XI. And for now, it’s Cancelo not Davies – I don’t massively get that, good though Cancelo is – Sané and Coman, not Gnabry – and Choupo-Moting through the middle, not Müller or one of the wingers. Sadio Mané, of course, is still injured, likewise Manuel Neuer.
The headline news is, of course, the return of Mbappé, who’s on the bench, but otherwise I’m buzzing to see Warren Zaïre-Emery, who starts in the Paris midfield; he is 16 years old or, put another way, 27 years younger than me to the day. Otherwise, the 3-5-2 system makes some sense, as it allows Hakimi and Mendes the freedom they need to bomb forward, disguises a relative weakness in midfield, and limits any defensive running Messi and Neymar have to do.
Teams!
Paris Saint-Germain (3-5-2): Donnarumma; Pereira, Marquinhos, Ramos; Hakimi, Zaïre-Emery, Verratti, Soler, Mendes; Messi, Neymar. Subs: Kimpembe, Mbappé, Ruiz, Bernat, Rico, Vitinha, Pembélé, Bitshiabu, Gharbi, Ekitikém Letellier.
Bayern Munich (4-2-3-1): Sommer; Pavard, Upamecano, De Ligt, Cancelo; Kimmich, Goretzka; Sané, Musiala, Coman; Choupo-Motimg. Subs: Gnabry, Davies, Sarr, Blind, Müller, Ulreich, Schenk, Gravenberch, Tel, Stanisic, Ibrahimovic.
Referee: England’s brave Michael Oliver (England)
“I’m looking for something that looks like the test card…”
Preamble
You can’t get cheesier than Valentine’s Day in Paris, so it makes perfect sense that it’s Valentine’s Day in Paris when the Champions League cheesefest gets real. And, of course, because humans are irredeemable cheesemonsters we’re putty in its hands, desperate to change it but no less in love with it; obsessed with its good bits to the exclusion of its bad ones; pick that metaphor out.
Both of tonight’s teams will fancy themselves to win the thing – the entitlement of wealth versus the entitlement of identiy – and it’s easy to make a case for either. Paris are, as they almost always are, clear domestically and waiting for Europe to determine whether this is just another tedious title-winning season or something more momentous. As always and even given an injured Kylian Mbappé, they’ve a ludicrous assortment of game-breaking talent, the problem being that ludicrous assortments tend not to win this trophy because eventually they come up against a considered collection and lose – or, in the case of Paris, seize defeat in whatever way circumstance offers it to them.
Bayern, meanwhile, have the knowhow, the brilliance and the options – no squad in the world contains as many exceptional players – but that brings with it its own difficulties. For pretty much the entirety of his spell in Bavaria, Julian Nagelsmann, has seemed slightly lost in the supermarket, trying to perm the best XI from the infinite options available to him while reminding everyone just how clever and modern he is. Sometimes it works, and other times – well, you’ve seen his attire.
Ultimately, both these sides are flawed – Bayern are seeking balance while Paris lack cohesion – but either could bring ol’ Big Ears home because of the ability to conjure goals out of nowhere. More than that, though, this year’s edition lacks an obviously outstanding team, so whoever hits a seam at the right time will be champions – a tantalising prospect for squads so talented they’re perpetually on the verge – and also for us, given that right time is right now.
Kick-off: 9pm local, 8pm GMT
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