Name: Prince Harry: travel influencer.
Age: Three years and counting.
Appearance: Just a regular gap year scruff.
Wait, is Prince Harry on a gap year? He has left home, and seems to spend his life ambling around a foreign country without any clear direction, so I guess so.
What does any of this have to do with him being a travel influencer? Almost nothing, but remember that job Harry got after leaving the royal family for the US?
Chief impact officer at the mental health tech startup BetterUp? No, not that one, the other one.
Netflix producer? Podcaster? Author? No, not any of those. His other job, the one where he’s the head of ethical travel company Travalyst.
No, I didn’t know about that. It probably doesn’t matter. What’s important is that Harry has made a video with New Zealand actors, Rhys Darby and Dave Fane, where he imagines a world in which your holiday gives you a sustainability rating.
What? Honestly, life’s too short to explain, but essentially it shows Harry visiting New Zealand, where he is rated as a traveller. He scores points for turning off the tap while he brushes his teeth, for example, but loses points for accidentally littering on a beach.
Oh no. Does he … act? Yes, and here’s the weird thing. He isn’t bad. He isn’t nearly as wooden or stilted as you might expect; at times he almost seems like a natural.
How wonderful! What’s his role? It seems to be “dimwitted posho”. So, you know, not too demanding.
Why is it set in New Zealand? That’s easy. It’s because Harry feels a deep connection with the Māori people. “The Māori culture inherently understands sustainable practices and taking better care of our life-giving land, which are critical lessons we can all learn,” he said.
Oh, the Indigenous people of New Zealand. That’s right.
Who found themselves enormously displaced in the 1800s. Yes, that’s right.
Because Prince Harry’s relatives colonised it. Right, I think that’s probably enough of that now, thank you very much.
Incidentally, does going to Argentina and shooting a water buffalo count as sustainable travel? Look, fine, Prince Harry may not have a perfect history when it comes to travel, but the main thing is that he’s trying.
Hey, has anyone mentioned what a gigantic carbon footprint he has? It’s many times higher than the national average, they say. Prince Harry has been clear on this. Sometimes, he has to make imperfect travel choices to protect his family.
From climate change? Jesus, let the man run his vanity startup in peace, would you?
Do say: “New Zealand would appreciate you turning off your tap while you brush your teeth.”
Don’t say: “Also, maybe not travelling everywhere by private jet all the time.”
