Lancashire Police's disclosure of personal information about missing Nicola Bulley led to a backlash.
Members of the public, politicians and charities claimed cops were guilty of 'victim blaming' after they revealed her struggles with the menopause and alcohol.
Now menopause coach and gender equity consultant Kate Usher has shared her story.
Writing for the Manchester Evening News, she explains the reality of the menopause and how its impact can be devastating for some women. For Kate, the seismic change led her to a dark place...
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Before my menopause started to reveal itself, I had heard of four symptoms - hot flushes, mood swings, weight gain and insomnia. I had also heard it could affect my sex life, but had no idea how.
To be honest, I thought it would be similar to a bad period and would last no longer than a year. Eight years and 30 symptoms later, I know how naive and ill-informed I was.
As a society, there is a perception that menopause is an older women's condition. There are two reasons for this.
Firstly, until the turn of the 20th Century, only a lucky few lived until the age of menopause. Many of those who did died shortly after.
It was essentially an end of life experience. This is absolutely no longer the case, but we are still referencing those centuries-old expectations today.
The other part of this is how women over the age of 40 were shown or not shown in films, TV and magazines. None of it was positive.
Thankfully, this is changing.
The average age of menopause is 51 in this country. The average age women will be when they experience symptoms is between 45 and 55.
At the point we might start this, we can have on average nearly 40 years of life to live and importantly, almost 20 years of career to achieve our ambitions.
Those experiencing menopause do not live in isolation. I guarantee that we will all, at some time in our life, have worked, lived or interacted with someone struggling with symptoms and not understood what was going on.
'Menopause is no longer a women's issue... it's an everyone issue'
Menopause is no longer a women's issue to be managed in the shadows alone. Menopause is an everyone issue.
Lastly, I think one of our biggest misconceptions is that it will be over within a year.
Menopause itself lasts a year - in fact it is 12 months after your last period - but for most the symptoms of which there are over 40, go on for many years and for some over a decade.
For the unlucky few, there are some symptoms like hot flushes and insomnia, that will remain with them for the rest of their lives.
Menopause impacted every relationship I had. It dragged me into a very dark place, where I feared I would lose my marriage, my children - and importantly, myself.
I did the only thing I knew would help and that was start talking. I had to vocalise what was going on on the inside, in an attempt to explain what was going on on the outside.
My fabulous husband and I talked about my menopause again and again. Over the years, we have very much worked it out together. It has definitely brought us closer and made us stronger.
When my menopause started, only one of my friends had experienced it, the rest simply weren't in that phase of life. The isolation I felt was crushing.
If it wasn’t for that one friend coming to my rescue, I am not sure what would have happened. Just having one person who listened and understood changed everything.
I found work relationships extremely challenging. I would have to explain why I was sweating profusely or forgetting my words. I had to face my own discomfort talking about it and, at the same time, manage other people's.
I had to learn on the job, so to speak; how to talk about menopause and take control of the situation.
'Regaining control'
I had anxiety and depression, mixed with severe sleep deprivation due to insomnia and night sweats. I had gone from someone who thought they were pretty invincible to someone who could barely get out of the door in the morning to take her young children to school.
I had trained as a psychotherapist and life coach many years before - it was an obvious decision to use my skills to find a path out.
One of the key realisations I had very early on was that while I couldn’t control my symptoms, I could control what happened next. This tiny grain of control helped me build a foundation that gave me the stability I had lost.
I talk about menopause every day - it is now my career. I am driven to ensure others don’t suffer in the way I did; that they retain and develop their chosen careers and that they nurture and deepen their relationships.
I work with organisations to raise awareness and develop the processes to ensure their talented employees keep achieving. We as a society we need to demand more diverse senior leadership teams in organisations, supporting menopause is one way to do that.
During the first four years, I tried many alternative therapies and vitamins. As my symptoms were so severe, things seemed to have a minimal effect.
For me, the biggest win was focusing on my diet and my physical wellbeing. I cut out all processed foods and sugar, cut down on caffeine and alcohol and drank litres of water.
At the same time, I started doing load bearing exercise every other day, which is great for your bones. I chose running but walking, dancing and skipping are just as good. We can all do this today and it costs virtually nothing.
When I became post menopausal at the age of 49, I hoped things would calm down however the opposite was true, they got considerably worse. All the GPs I had seen were reticent to give me HRT, with things rapidly spiralling out of control, in desperation I paid to see a specialist gynaecologist who within an hour prescribed me HRT, for me it was like a magic potion.
Within 24 hours, many of my symptoms melted away and I had a proper night sleep - something that had not happened for four years.
HRT is not an option for many women and for others the risks are too high, but for the 25 per cent of women who have a devastating menopause it can be life changing.
We have to stop thinking that testosterone is a male only hormone, it is not, women naturally produce it too. It definitely took a little while for my levels to pick up, but for me it is an invaluable part of my hormone armoury.
What Lancashire Police said - and what followed
Lancashire Police released a statement earlier this week saying mum Nicola suffered with ‘some significant issues with alcohol brought on by her ongoing struggles with the menopause’ and had been classed as ‘vulnerable’ and ‘high-risk’ after partner Paul Ansell reported her missing.
Former victims’ commissioner Dame Vera Baird was just one leading figure to criticise that approach. Dame Vera told BBC’s Radio 4 Programme the force has made ‘the biggest error I have seen for quite a long time’, which will ‘undermine trust in the police yet further’.
Conservative MP Alicia Kearns, who chairs the Foreign Affairs Committee, said on Twitter: “I am deeply uncomfortable with the police releasing Nicola Bulley’s so-called ‘vulnerabilities’ on menopause and alcohol.
“I struggle to ascertain how this will assist police in their search & investigations. I do see how it would assist those wishing to victim-blame or diminish.”
Kate, 54, who lives in London and has two children, added: "I think the inclusion of the menopause in the police statement is terrible. Even the suggestion of menopause and her associated alcohol use, what that’s doing is distracting from the real issues that this poor woman is missing and her family desperately needs her home.
"It feeds the narrative that woman are mad and unpredictable and emotional, all of these stereotypes are alive in that statement and it’s what women are fighting against.
"I think this case has shown that we think we’re having discussion about menopause and that it’s all out on the table. But we’re actually only just starting to scratch the surface."
'There are people out there speculating'
The M.E.N. contacted Lancashire Police for comment on criticism of its decision to reveal further information about Nicola. The force did not provide a response.
Lancashire Police did, however, publish a further statement from Nicola's family following its latest press conference.
It read: "We, as a family, believe that the public focus has become distracted from finding Nikki, and more about speculation and rumours into her and Paul’s private life.
"As a family, we were aware beforehand that Lancashire Police, last night, released a statement with some personal details about our Nikki.
"Although we know that Nikki would not have wanted this, there are people out there speculating and threatening to sell stories about her. This is appalling and needs to stop.
"The police know the truth about Nikki and now the public need to focus on finding her.
"Due to the peri menopause Nikki suffered with significant side effects such as brain fog, restless sleep and was taking HRT to help but this was giving her intense headaches which caused Nikki to stop taking the HRT thinking that may have helped her but only ended up causing this crisis.
"The public focus has to be on finding her and not making up wild theories about her personal life.
"Despite what some media outlets and individuals are suggesting, we are being updated daily and receive support from our family liaison officers."
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