I just asked my new best friend, and AI chat assistant, how many hours of sleep a night a middle-aged woman should aim for. It replied: “A middle-aged woman should aim for seven to nine hours of sleep, as this is the recommended sleep duration for most adults according to health experts.”
Unless I pop a sleeping pill, which I rarely ever do, I cannot remember the last time I slept between seven and nine hours. Oh, wait, I can. It was during my “PM” era, AKA the wonder that was the pre-menopausal me. I’d forgotten about her.
My PM era wasn’t without its non-sleep moments (see birthing two kids 23 months apart in your late 30s for further information), but, generally speaking, the PM me slept several hours a night. Sleep-deprivation-wise, however, nothing compares with what happened at the end of last year. Crashing into menopause like an out-of-control getaway car – not a Ferrari, more of a stolen old banger with malfunctioning brakes – I eventually drove off a hormonal cliff. Hanging by my non-manicured fingernails, I couldn’t sleep at night, which meant I couldn’t get out of bed the following day. Bed-bound for three months due to menopausal sleep deprivation was no laughing matter, especially as, until 2 January, the day I awoke with a large boil on my chin, I had zero clue I was in full-blown menopausal hell.
Bobbing along in my late 40s, my lack of hot flushes, anxiety, dry mouth, moodiness – I won’t list every menopausal side-effect (this column is only supposed to be 600 words) – lured me into a false sense of security. What was all this social media-induced hormonal frenzy about!? I presumed I’d glide past menopause like a well-groomed swan looking down its beak at a grubby duck floundering in an oil slick. Call me deluded – this is where I’d insert a blood-curdling scream if this were a video – but what had I expected? To giddily skip past one of the most significant hormonal shifts in a woman’s life? Permission to call me deluded granted.
As a working-class woman from the north, there’s one thing I know to be true: it is illegal to go to bed not wearing pyjamas, even in summer. Except I broke the law as set out by generations of Mancunians before me and ended up butt naked in bed – in November! GASP! Horrific. Thankfully, the brilliant QVC has dedicated a significant amount of retail space to women like me, which is how I discovered the existence of all manner of sleep paraphernalia designed specifically for women going through menopause. Go to the website and in the navigation bar, sitting alongside the words beauty and fashion, you’ll find menopause. Our midlife hormonal fluctuation is officially out and proud. Groundbreaking, if you consider that only a decade ago, most products appeared to be designed with younger women in mind.
Several months have passed, and I’m happy to report that I no longer languish in bed during the day fearing that life as I once knew it is over. This is thanks to my sleep being somewhat improved, but only if I abide by some pretty stringent rules, such as not staring at my phone until 11pm. I no longer eat large meals before bed and I exercise earlier in the day (this is a fast walk, by the way). My room has to be dark, and the fan I bought last year, running at full pelt even in December despite my nakedness, is a bedtime must-have.
Being a passenger in a getaway car, one that’s a bit tattered around the edges, has made me realise that the PM era was lived a little too recklessly. Whereas once, I wouldn’t bother with night-time pampering and self- care, preferring several glasses of wine and Instagram over switching off and applying nice-smelling lotions, I know now that if I don’t power down, I’m in for a rocky night’s sleep, and a difficult day ahead.
Lotions (I swear by the sleep range by This Works), CBD gummies, pillow spray and candles – I’ll take my high-maintenance sleep routine over menopausal delusion any day. Night night.
For advice from leading experts on how to navigate your menopause, alongside curated products specially designed to ease your symptoms, discover Menopause Your Way at QVC
