We knew it was coming. My mother mews “please be careful”, eyes locked on my battered Prada bag, every time I leave home for the city. But now, when it comes to getting from A to B safely, the temperature has shifted.
It started with the watches. Anyone with an ounce of IQ retired Rolexes and Cartiers to the safe last year, when it became more likely to be hit by a machete-brandishing moped monster than a Bugaboo pram in Mayfair. But then, when the “Rolex rippers” targeted some daft idiot waving around his £70,000 diamond encrusted eyesore, one couldn’t help but think — well, duh.
Flashy brand logos that once were a source of social status envy today only threaten to attract the wrong sort of attention
In 2024, though, targets are on the backs of any old Bob whose girlfriend bought them a nice coat for Christmas. Last year, new data from Transport for London reported a hike in Tube crime of 56 per cent. That’s 10,836 offences between April and September last year, compared with 6,294 in same period in 2022. A TfL official told the Standard that phones, AirPods and — a new contender for most-wanted — branded coats are what catches a robber’s eye. Specifically, she said, Canada Goose and some North Face coats.
Cue the viral January video of one victim being roughed up in broad daylight at a train station in Kent for his coyote fur hooded, grand-and-a-half jacket (you can be sure, the irony will not be wasted on Peta).
And that, unfortunately, is me out cold turkey of the smart coat race. Unmarked Uniqlo only from now on. What’s the alternative? The self-inflicted daily trauma of sitting on the Northern line (where, joy of joys, offences have doubled to 1,733, making it the worst-affected line) sweating, bundled in plush down and trying to decipher whether the shifty bloke opposite is thinking about which ready meal to warm up tonight, or biding his time to whip out a shank and derobe you.
Flashy brand logos that once were a source of social status envy today only threaten to attract the wrong sort of attention. Legging it two carriages down after someone gives you a dodgy look (I confess, I’ve been there) is a hard task to pull off. In fact, it is downright impossible to be chic running in a fluster — no matter how expensive your outfit is.
