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Chicago Tribune
Chicago Tribune
Entertainment
Nina Metz

My worst moment: A director told Heather Graham she was ‘a waste of time’

Based on a true story, the Amazon biopic “On a Wing and a Prayer” is about a man on a chartered flight, along with his wife and two kids, who must figure out how to fly and land the plane after the pilot dies mid-flight. Streaming Friday on Amazon, the film stars Dennis Quaid and Heather Graham, who said the role hasn’t made her wary of flying in small planes.

“I definitely have moments,” she said, “but for the most part, it’s not my deepest fear. I somehow tune it out — I read a book, I watch a movie, I try not to think about crashing, basically. I’m pretty successful at not being freaked out on planes. Not all the time, but mostly.” Even after making this movie? “Actually, learning about the equipment and some of the things about flying, it did make me want to learn how to fly. It’s really interesting and as a kid, I used to pretend that I was Peter Pan and I could fly, so maybe flying has always been a dream of mine.”

Graham can also be seen in the first episode of the futuristic Apple TV+ climate change series “Extrapolations,” tapping into her more wry instincts as an actor. She gained notice early on for roles in “Swingers,” “Boogie Nights” and “Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me.” Her resume since has included a pair of “Hangover” films, the TV series “Get Shorty,” “Law & Order True Crime: The Menendez Murders,” and “Californication,” among others.

When asked about a worst moment in her career, she recalled an early experience. “I was around 20 or 21 and I had been in two movies, but I wasn’t super confident and I wasn’t totally established yet.”

My worst moment …

“I had already done ‘License to Drive’ and ‘Drugstore Cowboy,’ but this was before ‘Boogie Nights.’ It’s not that easy to get jobs, so I was still trying to get roles and auditioning. And then I got offered a part in a movie called ‘Scorchers’ (from 1991), it was based on a play. And the director was saying to me, ‘Well, you don’t have a lot of theater experience, so you need to come to my house and rehearse with me.’

“So I think he hired me based on those first two movies, but then he was very like, ‘I don’t know if you’re into the theatah, let me show you how to act, little girl.’ And later I was like, why was I rehearsing with him at his house? That’s a little creepy. He didn’t hit on me, but it was a little weird looking back on it.

“Then he told me he wanted me to go to his acting class at this theater and do the whole play in front of his students. So I was working really hard on it and I went to his class and I was kind of a little bit — I guess I was stiff, you know? We did a long scene and afterward I was like, ‘Please, just let me do it again,’ because I felt like I was on the edge of really finding it. I know I would have done it better if I’d had another chance. And he was like, ‘We’re not going to waste the time of these people in their class to see you do that again.’ It was really hurtful.

“So I went outside and I sat down and thought: Oh my god, maybe I really don’t know what I’m doing (laughs). Is he right? Will I ever get another job again? Maybe I’m terrible and these other jobs were just a fluke.

“But I felt like I was ambushed. And I felt like everybody in the acting class was like, ‘Why didn’t you cast me in the movie instead?’

“Maybe he shouldn’t have brought me in front of his class to perform. We weren’t actually doing a play, it was a movie, so a different medium. But yeah, that was pretty terrifying. I felt like I was thrown to the wolves, trying to impress these people in this class and then I failed.

“And then he fired me, basically. He basically said ‘you suck,’ you know?

“And at that age, you’re impressionable and it was definitely something I had to get over. I think as a younger person — and I’ve mostly gotten better, but not a hundred percent — I was very hard on myself and I struggled with self-esteem and thinking negative thoughts about myself. And this kind of experience only adds to that, when someone else is telling you something negative. But luckily I’m pretty strong-willed, so I persevered.

“Jennifer Tilly ended up playing the role. She’s a very good actor and she’s cool, I’ve met her before and she’s a really nice person.

“I ran into this director maybe five or six years later, when I was at a really good point in my career and I was getting offered all these jobs, and he goes, ‘Oh, I don’t know if you know what happened …’ and he tried to make all these excuses about firing me and I was like, ‘OK, whatever.’ So I had a little revenge moment where he was apologetic.

“So you really have to believe in yourself in this business. Because there’s always someone around to tell you that you suck and that’s when you just gotta go: Well, screw him (laughs).”

Asking an actor to workshop their role in front of a class of the director’s students sounds uncomfortable and isn’t how this is usually done.

“It was public humiliation of ‘You’re not good enough and now I’m going to fire you’ and then later he tried to act like, oh, he didn’t fire me, he was forced into hiring someone else by his producers.

“I’ve read some of your other pieces and you realize that at the end of the day, it’s just getting through those difficult moments. There’s light at the end of the tunnel and there’s hope on the other side.

“So when things seem bad and you think, will I ever get another job again? You can.

“I’ve had some really amazing friends, so when you can go to your friends and they give you that pep talk and you have that love and that warmth with people in your life, it can really help you get through it.

“And I also think that this kind of rejection can spur you on even more, where you just feel like: I’m going to show you that you’re wrong. You’re an idiot! Then I watched his movie and it’s like, ‘You’re not even good! And you’re telling me I’m not good?’ (Laughs)

“A lot of times, consider the source. A lot of people want to criticize you and tell you things you’re doing wrong and you look at them and go, well, what have you ever done? And most of the time they haven’t done anything that interesting. And the people doing interesting stuff don’t walk around criticizing everyone all the time.

“I had an acting coach who would say you have to have the heart of a baby and the skin of a rhino because people will say things and you can’t take it in too deeply, but yet you have to be vulnerable in your roles. So you have to be tough but still soft.

“The best directors are really nurturing and supportive and you do feel really safe with them.”

The takeaway …

“It’s very simple: You have to believe in yourself. I thought it was so beautiful at the Academy Awards this year with the actors from ‘Everything Everywhere All at Once,’ and Ke Huy Quan was talking about this. And then Michelle Yeoh said the same thing.

“I think when I was younger, I would gravitate toward people who were really critical and try to impress them. Now I just avoid those people completely and go toward people who are loving and get why I’m great, because life is too short.

“You just have to love yourself and believe in yourself. And at the end of the day, what other people think of you doesn’t really matter. What other people think of you is none of your business. You have to love yourself first and everything else in your life comes out of that.”

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