I'M waiting for the results of an MRI scan to let me know what the next year of my life will look like. The tension is now just too much.
Let’s just say my experiences of this haven’t been great in the past, and the way the news was delivered was shattering.
I was always in peak fitness when told the tumours were back and in that instance, everything I had worked for was taken away. Hours of training was wiped from my body.
No matter how sore I’ve woke up after surgery, sport has always given me the goal to get back and the focus to push hard.
But it’s strange as this scan feels different, it hasn’t been as straightforward since my last surgery as I would have hoped for. It’s more the mental side now that’s hitting me.
With my body still recovering from my cycling training in Belgium, I know a big push on the bike before I go for my results may not be the smartest thing physically.
However, sitting looking at four walls or a computer screen while writing my dissertation also wasn’t going to be great mentally.
The only time I am not crippled with thoughts of tumours is when I am immersed in sport.
So, as quick as I could blink, I was en route to Italy.
More specifically, the Stelvio Pass. Famous for a mix of cycling and being the site of Top Gear’s filming of super cars, it is also home to one of Europe’s highest glaciers and it is there I am heading.
Having spent time with the British cycling team before my scan, I decided to spend some time with the British skiers before the results.
It’s my first time in this part of Europe since Dave Ryding won the Alpine Ski World Cup at Kitzbuhel and it is now hard to stay anywhere that the hotel staff don’t know who Ryding is.
It’s a nice positive energy, where the focus is on sport rather than my health.
After a long drive I find a small hotel nestled halfway up the Stelvio. The perfect place to disconnect from any hospital news. As I walked in, there were ski trophies on every wall.
When I set off on this trip it was to see the British team, and now I was about to meet an Italian sporting icon by pure accident.
Hotel owner Gustav Thoni is a triple Olympic medalist and the former coach to Alberto Tomba. He dominated on the World Cup ski circuit, winning four overall titles in the early 1970s.
This puts him alongside the greats of skiing such as Pirmin Zurbriggen and Hermann Maier. He then went on to win everything in the sport there was to win as a coach.
Within seconds of walking in, the question of what brings me to the Stelvio comes up.
“I am here to see Ryding and the team,” I said.
It as if the hotel came alive and before I knew it I was in Gustav’s museum – that filled a full room.
It’s hard to imagine a young child growing up here going on to achieve what he did in sport. A hamlet nestled at the foot hills of the Stelvio.
His father built the first ski lift here and I guess as they say, the rest is history.
However, the main reason to drive all this way was to feel snow under my feet and see my mates.
The team stay up on the glacier and the road up is not for the faint-hearted. I had to wait to get picked up.
Before I knew it I was sat with the team having dinner with a storm battering the windows.
Sat chatting with Alain Baxter, Ryding and the team, I was free of tumours, hospitals and the upcoming scan results.
This is what I love about sport. I feel blessed to still be able to experience these moments, even though they are becoming less as my body struggles more and more.
As I drive home over some of the greatest roads in Europe I stop and sit in the mountains and by the lakes.
I even got myself under a glacier waterfall.
It’s important to savour these moments as I know within a blink of an eye I will be sat opposite a neurosurgeon in a small room, finding out what lies in wait in this next year.
