A mother of two who contemplated suicide in an attempt to escape the “demons” and “voices” in her head after being sexually abused and diagnosed with fibromyalgia and two brain aneurysms has transformed her life with floristry. Marie Brown, 33, who lives in Long Eaton, Derbyshire, explained she had an “amazing childhood” up until the age of 15, when she claims she was sexually abused for nearly one year.
She was then diagnosed with fibromyalgia at the age of 19 – a long-term condition that causes pain all over the body – leaving her unable to wash, stand up, or walk at times. Marie’s mental health subsequently started to decline, as she “blamed (herself) for everything that went wrong”, and she was later diagnosed with depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD).
At 26, while pregnant with her first child Joshua, now six, she was then told she had two brain aneurysms – bulges in the brain’s blood vessels – and she needed to undergo an operation. The procedure was successful, but Marie’s mental health continued to deteriorate and she started to hear “scary” voices in her head, telling her “how horrible (she) was”.
While Marie now has everything she could want – two children, a home, a fiance, and a dream business – at this point, she said she wanted to end her own life. “I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror because I hated myself that much,” she said.
“It really got to a point of self-loathing… and I thought the best thing I could do for everybody was to leave.” Despite being “overshadowed by all of this darkness”, Marie said there was a part of her that was “crying out for help” – and after plucking up the courage to call her GP, she then underwent therapy at Royal Derby Hospital and received support from Derventio Housing Trust.
Marie has since set up her own floristry business, Forever Flowers, and has “a more positive outlook on life” – but she wants to stress the importance of asking for help sooner rather than later, as the support she received “helped (her) start her life again”. “If I didn’t have the help that I did, I wouldn’t be here,” she said.
“My journey is still a journey – I’m still not cured by any means and I still have my ups and downs – but I know that I’ll never go to where I was.” She added: “It’s crazy how my life has turned around, especially within the last three years.
“I would never in a million years have thought that I’d be a business owner, a mum of two, and a homeowner… so I’d beg people to just please ask for help.” Marie said she was sexually abused at 15 – and while she reported this to the police at the time, she decided not to pursue this further, as she felt she was not “strong enough”.
After then being diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 19, which causes her to “feel pain on a daily basis”, she saw various therapists and underwent cognitive behavioural therapy. Marie subsequently fell pregnant with Joshua in 2016 after four-and-a-half years of trying to conceive with her now ex-partner, who she wishes to keep anonymous.
She finally felt “things were changing for the better”. However, it was during her pregnancy that she was told she had two brain aneurysms, which would need to be operated on, and this “knocked her back down again”.
“I just felt like I couldn’t be happy and that I didn’t deserve to be happy,” she said. “I’d finally got something I’d always dreamed of – I’d always wanted to be a mum – but I just thought, ‘Is this now going to be taken away from me?’ I was devastated.”
Marie felt she could not enjoy the pregnancy and opted to have the surgery, which would help prevent the aneurysms from rupturing, after Joshua’s first birthday, as she feared she might not survive. She said she planned her own funeral; bought and wrapped Christmas presents in advance; and saved some money to put aside for her ex-partner “in case anything should happen”.
The procedure was successful, but Marie said she then began to feel she “wasn’t good enough”, as her fibromyalgia prevented her from enjoying time with her “beautiful baby boy”. "I wanted to be his everything, I wanted to be perfect, but with my physical disabilities, I felt I couldn’t be the mum I wanted to always be,” she said.
Marie then started to “hear voices” and this led to her contemplating suicide. She said she felt “ashamed” for wanting to end her life, but she could not see a way out.
“I know a lot of people would have thought, ‘You have a child, how selfish is that?’” she said. “But at the time, I thought I was being the opposite to selfish, I thought I was doing the right thing.”
On Valentine’s Day in 2019, Marie said she had to “fight with (herself) and push past (her) demons”, as there was one last part of her, saying: “I need help”. She spoke to her GP and then spent 12 weeks at The Hub at Royal Derby Hospital’s Radbourne Unit, undergoing a therapy programme, before receiving support from Derventio Housing Trust.
Marie said the various therapies gave her “the tools she needed to help (herself)” and she had counselling after she and her ex-partner separated. She met her now-fiance Ryan, 43, an operations manager, in December 2020, and they have since had a child together – Sophia, who is 18 months old – and bought a house.
She said Ryan is her “number one supporter” and he proposed in December 2022. It was during the wedding planning that Marie discovered floral displays – but since hiring a florist was too expensive, she decided to “give it a go” herself.
After posting some images of her creations online and receiving some “amazing” feedback and purchase requests, she decided to set up her own website. Since then, the popularity for her displays has “exploded” and she has been a part of 21 weddings since launching her business, Forever Flowers, in February.
She said discovering this new passion has boosted her confidence, and she is incredibly grateful for the support and reassurance from her family and customers. “The fact that people have put their trust in me, and they’ve given me money to do this, I would never take that for granted,” she explained.
“I think I’m so lucky that people have chosen me, so I’m going to do my best for them.” Now, Marie said she “looks forward to life” and she feels she has “everything she could have ever dreamed of” with her fiance, children, and business.
She still struggles with her mental health and fibromyalgia, but she feels she is “a completely different person”.
To find out more about Forever Flowers, visit Marie’s Facebook page here: www.facebook.com/Foreverflowers1622
