One of the funniest things José Mourinho did in his early days at Chelsea, back when his toxic vibe still felt light and fun and only slightly vicious and mean, was to stand at the entrance to the Old Trafford pitch before a Carling Cup quarter-final and make a point of energetically shaking hands with every Manchester United player as they walked on to their own pitch.
United’s players looked bemused but went through with it all the same, submitting to the full routine of neck-cuffs and cheek-pinches, albeit with a weirdly emasculating sense of being ambushed, permitted to take part in a game at their own house by the grace of Mourinho’s hand.
