Your wedding day should be all about you and your partner. In front of your closest friends and most beloved family members, you get to profess your love for one another and finally start a new chapter of your lives. Everyone in attendance should be rooting for you and supportive of your wishes.
But unfortunately, some parents can’t help but put their own desires first, even on their child’s wedding day. One woman recently vented on Reddit about how her mother-in-law managed to ruin her wedding day by trying to call all the shots. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as some of the replies frustrated readers shared.
Wedding planning can be stressful for anyone
Image credits: freepic.diller / freepik (not the actual photo)
But when this bride’s mother-in-law tried to take over the whole day, she couldn’t take it anymore
Image credits: Zinkevych_D / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Later, the newlywed clarified that her husband has always been on her side
Image credits: clittle24
Married women often have conflicts with their in-laws
Image credits: shurkin_son / freepik (not the actual photo)
It’s a common trope for women to have conflicts with their mother-in-law. Whether they’re arguing about where to have Thanksgiving or who their partner or son loves more, it’s not easy for in-laws to have perfect relationships. In fact, one 2022 study found that daughters tend to have more issues with their mother-in-law than with their actual mother. And psychologist Terri Apter found that a whopping 75% of couples admit that they’ve experienced tension with an in-law.
So it’s no surprise that these conflicts sometimes start before the wedding and before anyone is officially an in-law. This is so common that Brides.com has even detailed some of the ways that mother-in-laws tend to make wedding planning more challenging.
First, they might constantly express negative opinions. On the inside, they might be panicking about losing their baby or feeling excluded, and they might channel this frustration into rude comments about the venue, the bride’s dress, the menu, the decorations and more.
On the other hand, a difficult mother-in-law may try to steamroll the bride and groom and take over the wedding planning process herself. Licensed marriage and family therapist, Lauren Mollica, says this might be because the mother is anxious about her child’s big day, and this may be the only way she can feel like she has control at the moment.
Some mother-in-laws may constantly seem like they’re in panic mode, and others might try to invite guests that aren’t on the bride and groom’s list. And if she’s affluent, she might attempt to use money to manipulate those around her. “Well, I’ll only pay for the catering if you hire this business,” or, “I should have a say in the guest list since I’m covering the cost of the venue.”
Setting boundaries and being on the same page as your partner can help reduce tension with in-laws
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It’s not always going to be easy, but it’s important to be able to set firm boundaries with an in-law who has the power to derail your entire wedding day. Tehrene Firman at Martha Stewart recommends making time for self-care, even if wedding planning is getting stressful. You deserve to feel relaxed when you can, even if your priority at the moment is the wedding.
It’s also best to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. It may not be easy for them to admit that their mother is making your life more challenging, but the two of you can work together to find a job for her that she can handle. For example, you might be okay with her tagging along to taste different cakes or try the dinner menu.
Firman also suggests spending time with your mother-in-law that isn’t dedicated solely to wedding planning. Working on building a relationship with her, and getting to know more about her as a person might help ease the tension that comes along with wedding planning matters. But inevitably, you’ll also need to learn how to say no. You’ll want to be nice and polite, but at the end of the day, you get to make the decisions for your wedding.
And if nothing else works, hiring a professional wedding planner might just get your in-laws off your back. They can be a nice buffer, and they won’t have to worry about feeling awkward or hurting feelings. They’ve simply been hired to do a job, and you are their client, not your mother-in-law.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. How would you have reacted if your mother-in-law behaved this way at your wedding? Feel free to share, and then check out this Bored Panda article discussing similar wedding drama!
Readers were appalled by the mother-in-law’s behavior, and the bride joined in on the conversation to provide more details
