Erling Haaland is in for a culture shock if Luton complete their rags-to-riches rise – but Hatters supremo Gary Sweet says it will be a taste of “real life.”
Cheap shots about Kenilworth Road's ramshackle charms – notably the away fans' entrance through neighbours' back gardens - have been two-a-penny on social media. And if they win the £180 million promotion shoot-out with Coventry ar Wembley on Saturday, chief executive Sweet confirmed they will make an immediate £10m dent in the jackpot to comply with Premier League criteria by rebuilding one stand in barely 12 weeks.
The Hatters hope their DIY SOS will only be a temporary makeover, with plans to move to a new stadium at Power Court in the town centre finally nearing the first spade in the ground.
So if Manchester City's 52-goal sensation rocks up in August, he had better be ready – because whatever Luton's time-warp home lacks in finesse, the volume will be noisier than an all-night rave.
Sweet, who estimates promotion would be worth upwards of £100m to the town's economy, said: “We might have a lick of paint and new signage every so often, but let’s embrace this. It annoys me and makes me giggle when you get the social media content about an away end going through gardens - it’s been like that since World War II or even before.
“Why is it raised now, just because we could be going into the Premier League? Erling Haaland ’s not going to walk through that entrance, he’s going to walk through the other s*** entrance we’ve got. There isn’t a great entrance here. This is what we’ve got, embrace it.
“You don’t necessarily need lavish surroundings to succeed. You can do it with hard work, guile, intelligence, sensible financial management and everybody pulling in the same direction. You can do all that without having a beautiful stadium – but it is beautiful, though. The old girl is beautiful."
Sweet insists Luton have not given a moment's thought to ground-sharing with MK Dons – who are likely to have around 6,000 fans rattling around inside a 31,000-capacity stadium in League Two – 20 miles up the road. He said: “If we gave any other club one penny, it would be more expensive for the club than £10m spent here.
“Kenilworth Road would be an asset to the Premier League. This is real life, real football, history, tradition, right here. This isn’t a sterile bowl where nothing goes on. This is lively, this is emotion. This is white knuckles, tears and joy. This is a cauldron. If you can’t embrace it, you don’t love football.
“We’ve got to practically rebuild a stand, but we’ll have gone from non-League to Premier League [in nine years] so we can manage the small matter of building a new stand in three months.”
The old 'Bobbers' stand, which was converted into executive conservatories 37 years ago, would be replaced by a new media centre, TV studios, canteens, toilets and VAR camera positions – plus a few hundred seats for the public.
Sweet added: “One of the big things is to upgrade the floodlights, and we're trying to see what we can transfer to the new stadium because we hate waste.”
The Power Court project, in the pending tray for seven years, is not dependant on income streams from promotion. Sweet admitted: “Of course, not all the funding is in place, but do we know we’re going to get it? Yes.
“We expect a (planning) decision by the end of the year, and the day we get a decision, work will start within a few days or weeks.”